The antics emanating from the House Select Committee on Energy Independence and Global Warming must be one of the most market brain dead and therefore entertaining sources of quotations in popular memory. Consider:
Chairman Ed Marke:
"Yesterday Americans saw that the price of gasoline hit a record high price."
"Today, on April Fool's day, consumers all over America are hoping that the top executives from the five largest oil companies will tell us that the soaring gas prices are just part of some elaborate hoax."
The temptation to play ad libs with such silliness in action is irresistible.
Chairman Ed Marke:
1. "For nearly eight years this administration's energy policy has [ ]"
A. ...languished in failure.
B. ...stuck its head in the sand.
C. ...ignored the writing on the wall.
D. ...been in the tank.
2. "The five companies sitting before us today netted a combined [ ] in profit in 2007."
A. $123 billion dollars
B. $56 billion dollars
C. Metric ass-ton
D. Imperial ass-ton
F. $265 billion dollars
3. "So on April fool's day the biggest joke of all is being played on [ ]"
A. ...this committee by the Bush administration.
B. ...the taxpayers by OPEC.
C. ...American families by big oil.
D. ...energy consumers by climate skeptics.
F. ...CSPAN viewers by this committee.
4. "The Bush Administration must stop [ ] the strategic petroleum reserve during periods of high prices."
(I dare you to get #4 right- and you've got a 50/50 shot).
5. "Americans shouldn't have to [ ] to fill the tank."
A. sacrifice necessities
B. go broke
C. mortgage their future
D. sabotage their children's future
E. break the bank
Rep. Jay Inslee:
6. "If you don't put research dollars into it is it going to come from, the, you know, [ ], somehow these new technologies are going to show up?"
A. the oil fairy
B. clear blue sky
C. middle of thin air
D. technology lottery
E. next Einstein
Peter J. Robertson, Vice Chairman, Chevron Corporation
7. "The era of [ ] is over."
A. cheap gasoline
B. big government
C. oil subsidies
D. foreign exploration
E. easy oil
John E. Lowe, Executive Vice President, Exploration and Production, ConocoPhillips
8. "Over two years ago, [ ] and ConocoPhillips began discussions that led to an unusual
relationship between the two companies.
A. British Petroleum
B. United Airlines
D. Ford Motor Company
E. Tyson Foods
As always, answers after the close. No google-cheating, either.