Citi Would Never Do Anything Like This

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I've finally reached my breaking point with the Germans. Other transgressions could be chalked up to a quirky sense of humor befitting a nation obsessed with David Hasselhoff, but this latest one goes beyond "slightly off color," and Heidi Fleiss Eichman, it just goes too damn far. Deutsche Bank announced via internal memo today that it will no longer be footing the bill for whores, of any kind. Neither the kind you have actual sex with, nor the kind you watch on TV and masturbate to in your hotel room. Though the crackdown is said to be a cost-cutting measure intended to please shareholders and harping analysts alike, it's apparently incited spiteful rage in Oppenheimer's Meredith Whitney, who doesn't even write about the company, but was banking on its employees buying her husband's herbal supplement, Mamajuana Energy. It seems three-quarters of DB had pre-ordered the berry-flavored liquid (yours for only $4.99!). Who knows what sort of retribution she's got in store for the Germans, but if the drug is as effective as Mr. and Mrs. Meredith claim, it'll be pretty difficult to work up that Whitney-brand rage. Given the propensity for lies inherent in both pro-wrestling and financial analysis, however, we're going to go out on a limb and say Mamajuana is a sham, and Deutsche Bank should watch its back.
Top German bank responds to credit crunch by staff from putting brothels on expenses [Daily Mail via CWS]

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