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How To Think About How Phenomenally Failing Citi Is Still A (Sacred) Cash Cow

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The billions upon billions of dollars that Citi wrote down under the umbrella of "stuff we fucked up on" today (and the resulting "negative revenue" of $5.1 billion) shouldn't give investors the confidence that C has the vaguest notion of what it's doing. And yet, the bank's stock is up almost seven percent. There is only one logical explanation for this surge. People want to see more of this:

Look at that face! Look upon that jolly, gay, elfin visage and surely, against all odds, you will smile yourself. That infectious outpouring of joviality is why people are doing the opposite of taking their money and get the hell out of Dodge. It makes every one feel good. It's Christmas (in Bombay… Mumbai… or whatever) and who among us doesn't want more of that? Buying C is the financial equivalent of giving Vik a little tickle.
The world needs more of Vikram Pandit’s intoxicating laughter/smile/unbridled joy. As I am nothing if not a team player, I’ve taken the money Carney got in last year's accident settlement, and bought 400 shares of Citi myself. I think you should all do the same. I say we tickle torture this bitch before the day is done. Who's with me?