October 20, 2021
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In Other News, Citi Plans to Rename Its Quarterly Conference Call With Analysts to 'Lil' Vik's Happy Talk'

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Most people (or at least those who study hedge funds as closely as I do, which is to say “HF Experts”) agree that Old Lane has been among the most disappointing shops (“non blow up” category) in recent memory. So this should come as no shock:

Particularly embarrassing for new CEO Vikram Pandit—whose firm has now taken some $39 billion in write offs—Old Lane Partners, the hedge fund he founded that was acquired by Citi last year, was forced to write off $202 million in intangible assets related to its multi-strategy fund.

Still, you’d think it hurt Vikram’s pride, at least a little. And yet:



I am telling you nothing can get this man, or his stock price, down. In fact, sources tell DealBreaker that senior executives at C, capitalizing on the wonders Vik’s jolly elfin visage have done for their shares, have decided to change the firm’s tagline from “Citi… Let’s Get It Done,” to “Citi…We’re Gonna Make You Smile.”
“We feel the new motto projects the infectious good cheer that Vik spreads when he shows us those pearly whites,” said Bob Rubin, Director and Chairman of the Executive Committee. "If you buy the stock, it makes him happy. And when he's happy he smile. And when he smiles, you smile. And if you go to the Citi website at that exact moment and turn up the volume, you'll hear "The Age of Aquarius/Let the Sunshine" playing. Take note that when our stock declines more than 1%, the home page will be filled with the grimacing visage of Chuck Prince."
Citi Alternative Investments Posts $358M Loss [FINalternatives]
'We're Gonna Make Ya Smile' [TO]

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