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More To The Point: Which TV Anchors Have Been Propositioned By, And Turned Down The Advances Of, Jimmy Cayne?

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You know which saucy CNBC minx we never write about, not even to speculate on her personal life? Michelle Caruso-Cabrera. No offense to MCC, she seems like a good journalist and all, it’s just that Carney’s taste tends to swing more Anglo-Saxon and I prefer to objectify men like Mark Haines, who really have it coming. That ends today. According Radar, Caruso-Cabrera is dating Gary Parr, the deputy chairman of Lazard who Bear Stearns CEO Alan Schwartz called when he realized the whole BSC operation was going to pot. And Car-Cab has been covering the Bear Stearns bailout. And even though Caruso-Cabrera isn’t married and neither is Parr, and there’s probably nothing unethical going on, she does work with Maria Bartiromo, who maybe hung out with former Citigroup CFO Todd Thomson before he got fired for leaving his assistant on a tarmac in Asia to make room for Bartiromo on the Citi jet. Which means she might’ve, somewhere along the way, maybe in hair and make-up, caught something. Plus, you know how girls are-- always trying to one up each other by fucking the richest, oldest white guy they can find. CNBC, of course, declined to comment on the matter, though a flack for the network did seem to imply that Charlie Gasparino has been doing the Merrill phantom defecator for the last several months, which would explain his exclusive on the story.
CNBC Reporter Cozies Up to Bear Stearns Savior [Radar]


Jimmy Cayne May Be About To Come Into Some Money!

10-pound bag of Chronic Supernova, consider yourself bought. Thousands of former Bear Stearns Cos. (BSC) employees will share a $10 million settlement of lawsuits claiming they lost money on the bank’s stock in their retirement accounts. Two ex-Bear Stearns employees yesterday asked a federal court judge in Manhattan to approve the settlement on behalf of an estimated 8,400 former colleagues. The settlement will resolve class-action suits filed beginning in 2008 against Bear Stearns and other defendants by former employees of the bank. The employees, participants and beneficiaries of Bear Stearns’s employee stock ownership plan who held shares of the bank’s common stock, claimed risky investments in subprime mortgages caused them to lose money. Ex-Bear Stearns Employees to Get $10 Million in Settlement [Bloomberg] Related: Jimmy Cayne Takes “It’s A Bag Of Oregano” Route In Face Of Drug Use Allegations