Musical Layoffs: UBS

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Back in December, we floated the idea that any company looking to reduce headcount ought to get creative about it. Performance is very hard to quantify, and if you’ve got send thousands of people packing, why not have some fun with your firings? Our suggestions were: 1. A giant game of Assassin and 2. Some sort of survival challenge revolving around a lethal strain of syphilis. No one took the (genius) idea seriously. Until now.
UBS apparently sent out a company-wide email yesterday to recruit employees for its first inaugural Rock Band team, which will supposedly compete against other businesses. Auditions are being held today at 5 in the UBS cafeteria. Sounds like fun, doesn’t it? Yeah, until you realize that this whole thing is a guise for preselecting people for upcoming layoffs. At least that's what it sounds like to us. The only question is, will team members be given the benefit of the doubt (and employment) until they lose to Uncle Jim's Hardware? Or are people getting the axe the moment they show up for tryouts?

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Layoffs Watch '12: UBS

UBS is said to be embarking on a "fresh round of cuts" in the investment bank, starting with the team in Europe. UBS, Switzerland’s biggest bank, plans to cut about 80 to 90 jobs in its European investment- banking division as part of a global revamp, according to two people familiar with the matter. The cutbacks, which are likely to take place before year- end, would amount to about 17 percent of staff within the region’s investment-banking division and include junior and senior bankers, said the people, who asked not to be identified because the plans are private. The division includes merger advisory and equity and debt capital markets. The reductions probably will kick off a fresh round of job cuts within the broader investment bank, which includes UBS’s fixed-income and equities units, said the people. [Bloomberg]

Layoffs Watch '12: UBS

Cuts are said to be going down circa now. "FYI: UBS is letting people go on the sales and trading desk today. At least three senior guys have been let go so far this morning, with more on the way."

Layoffs Watch '12: UBS

The Swiss are not yet done with their firings. "FYI, layoffs going down right now in IBD at UBS as well."

Layoffs Watch '12: UBS

Unfortunately-timed cuts are said to have gone down this morning. From the front lines: "Over 30 IBD analysts cut at UBS in New York today. 2 days before bonus announcements..."

Layoffs Watch '12: UBS

Cuts are said to have gone down at the Swiss bank today. "Layoffs at UBS IBD, as if moral wasn't low enough at 299 Park. M&A, FIG, TMT affected."