In a post yesterday re Ian “Oyster Boy” Roncoroni, you might have detected a slight attitude on our part. See, on Wednesday, we sent OB a cheese steak from Delmonico’s to say “thanks for the page views” his feat of eating 244 Oysters in an hour at Ulysses got us. By Thursday afternoon, we’d heard nary a whisper of appreciation from Roncon. His lack of gratitude really rubbed us the wrong way, and we expressed the simmering anger we were feeling toward him while also introducing a new treat for you: THE SANDWICH FAIRY. The original purpose of TSF, in which we will send a delicious sandwich to randomly selected analysts/associates/traders/ceos/fund managers of our choosing several times a week starting in May, was two-fold. 1. To show you idiots how much we love you 2. To measure just how egregious Oyster Boy’s lack of a response was, relative to his Street brethren. We also offered him a choice—get back to us with a demonstration of gratefulness, or die. Last night, we received this:
From: Ian Roncoroni
To: tips at dealbreaker at com
Date: Thu, 24 Apr 2008 22:14:53 -0400
Subject: thank you!
Thank you, dealbreaker, for the cheesesteak. i actually tried to thank you as soon as it came, but when i clicked the "email" button, it didn’t forward me to the right spot. maybe if i had been more than a hack in the financial services, or gotten into Princeton for more than my ability to dance around a mat, i couldve figured it out! (or, should i go with the "i was too busy tipping him with my ten dollars cash instead of putting it on your credit card to write a thank you" excuse?) At any rate, i really did appreciate the cheesesteak! I wasn’t hungry in the least, but i figured, in the spirit of the article, i had to choke it down. (yes, like man butter.) THANK YOU, dealbreaker.
You chose wisely, OB. And your decision comes with benefits, for all. First, for you: 'member that death threat we directed your way? We’ve decided to drop it. Second, for everyone else: Ian’s appreciation has inspired us to up the ante. Moving forward, each special delivery from TSF will also include a bottle of Champale and a copy of Penthouse (or similarly themed publication). All of Wall Street has OB to thank for the additional largesse. And, Oyster Boy, we're sorry you won't be receiving the tasty malt beverage and a quality spank rag, but somehow we suspect your apartment is stocked already.
The first recipient of our delicious generosity will be commenter “Lowly Assistant,” who more than deserves a treat on account of his sob story about having to hike all the way to Union Square to pick up sandwiches for his superiors, and transport them back, via subway and not cab, to Broad Street. Lowly, if you’re listening—get in touch so we can make the necessary arrangements.
The rest of you: know someone who you think deserves a visit from The Sandwich Fairy? Send your nominations to tips at dealbreaker dot com. And by deserving, we mean it both ways. First, for quintessential Wall Street scuzzbuckets, deserving in the ironical way; and second, for the genuine salt of the earth individuals on Wall Street who make this country great and truly deserve a Sammy/champale/porn goodie bag. There must be thousands of the former, and five or six of the latter.