Things Still Looking Okay At Bank Of America

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Two foot tall Bank of America announced today that net income for the first quarter fell 77 percent to $1.21 billion (23 cents/share), from last year's $5.26 billion ($1.16/share), clearly missing analysts' 30 foot high proverbial hurdle of a 45 cents/share profit.
But don't let the face-plant, or the word that BoA's been laying people off, or this stock photo of CEO Kenneth Lewis looking very un-Pandish, or the fact that the wee-small bank is down about two percent, get you all depressed. Things really aren't as bad as they seem-- First of all, the bank still has vague designs on boosting profits twenty percent. It won't, of course, but watching the attempt should be amusing. Then there's the excitement surrounding soon having His Orangeness, Angelo Mozilo, in the building, which hasn't yet worn off. AND Punk analyst Richard Bove shared some extremely glass half-full thoughts on the matter of whether or not BoA's "earnings" were a failure this morning. Said Bove: "If you were to tell me that deposits were falling dramatically, that the company's cash flow had turned negative, then I would say you'd better get out of this stock and get away from the company, but that's not happening."
Even the man who claimed several months back to not be having "fun" anymore was in good spirits. Moments after Bove's discussion, a tipsy Lewis was heard telling a couple first years, shocked and confused as to why he was talking to them, but flattered nonethless, "He's right, you know. Thank god we have all those grandmothers making retail deposits and boosting our cash flows. They will come in handy in absorbing the liquidity drain caused by $1.47 billion sized write downs of collateralized-debt obligations, $439 million in losses on high-risk loans and increased capital costs caused by the damn Moody's credit downgrade. I swear, I'm going to sacrifice three live roosters tonight to give thanks for the fact that we have all those liquid IRA and retirement accounts around, because we still have to fucking absorb that lead balloon Countrywide." Of course, their being read in on the situation lead to their being escorted out of the building by a pissed off HR officer, who's spoken to Lewis before about "keeping it in the lock box," but the dismissals will only help BAC's bottom line so, again, not as bad as it sounds.
Bank of America Net Income Falls 77% on Writedowns [Bloomberg]

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