Barbara Walters Has Done 80 Percent Of Wall Street's Living Dinosaurs

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Barbara Walters' book came out this week and it's not just for those of you interested in a behind the scenes look at the catty infighting over at The View, though rest assured, Julian Robertson, there is plenty of that (as Babs tells it, "Star Jones was so obese she could barely walk onto the...set"). Apparently while Walters was dating Alan Greenspan, she was also seeing former Bear chairman Alan "Ace" Greenberg. (Ironic enough for you? Well try this one for size-- though it's not included in the autobiography, we hear the lady of the night additionally had a standing appointment with Jimmy Cayne ever week, which ultimately resulted in the birth of Ben Bernanke.) Before you go writing BW off as a harlot, keep in mind that the men served two distinct purposes-- Greenberg bought her a show dog, and Greenspan doled out terrible investment advice.* It wasn't all fun and games, however. Babs notes that lots o' confusion would ensue when her maid would take messages and report that "Alan called." Since she refused to refer Greenberg by his nickname-- like Cayne, she thought the handle "Ace [in the hole]" was stupid and, in her words, "hypocritical, considering the number of times I had to shout, 'No, Alan, no! You're not even close!'")-- Walters and the cleaning woman came to differentiate the two as "loud Alan" (Greenberg) and "soft Alan" (Greenspan). Though he rarely identified himself, Walters says it was readily apparent when Cayne was calling, because "you could hear the the announcer's voice over the loudspeaker at the tracks in the background."
Barbara Walters On Greenspan [National Economist]
*Such as telling her not to buy a 4-bedroom co-op on Fifth for $250,000 in 1977.

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Wall Street Journal Columnist Can't Believe He Has To Breathe The Same Air As Worthless Pieces Of Shit That Are Today's College Grads

Once upon a time, as in two years ago, Wall Street Journal foreign-affairs columnist Bret Stephens hired an intern from West Point who blew him away with her accomplishments and talent. When she wasn't performing "field exercises in which she kept a bullet proof vest on at all times, even while sleeping" she was writing "brilliantly" and was one of the most "self-effacing" people Stephens had ever met. Currently, the former intern is fighting the Taliban in Afghanistan and to this day, whenever Stephens thinks of her, he is awed and impressed, as most people would be. Unfortunately, he probably won't have the opportunity to hire another individual of her caliber, because approximately 99% of this woman's generation is made up of despicable low-life scumbags who exist to make Stephens sick. Take a guy Bret interviewed a couple months back. Kid had an "astonishingly high GPA from an Ivy League university and aspirations to write about Middle East politics." The two got to chatting about Suez Crisis of '56 and over the course of the chat it became apparent that this kid "didn't know who was the president of the United States in 1956. And he didn't know who succeeded that president." Know where that guy is now? In Bret Stephens's meat locker, as he well should be. And while Stephens hasn't had the opportunity to interview each and every member of the Class of 2012, he's doesn't have to in order to know what they're all about, which is being a bunch of degenerate jerk-offs who suck at their parents' teat because they can't get the jobs they don't deserve that aren't available because they are commies who voted for Obama. Sayth Stephens: Dear Class of 2012: Allow me to be the first one not to congratulate you. Through exertions that—let's be honest—were probably less than heroic, most of you have spent the last few years getting inflated grades in useless subjects in order to obtain a debased degree. Now you're entering a lousy economy, courtesy of the very president whom you, as freshmen, voted for with such enthusiasm. Please spare us the self-pity about how tough it is to look for a job while living with your parents. They're the ones who spent a fortune on your education only to get you back— return-to-sender, forwarding address unknown...If you're like [West Point] intern, please feel free to feel sorry for yourself. Just remember she doesn't. Unfortunately, dear graduates, chances are you're nothing like her. And don't you ever forget it, pieces of garbage. To read through your CVs, dear graduates, is to be assaulted by endless Advertisements for Myself. Here you are, 21 or 22 years old, claiming to have accomplished feats in past summer internships or at your school newspaper that would be hard to credit in a biography of Walter Lippmann or Ernie Pyle...In every generation there's a strong tendency for everyone to think like everyone else. But your generation has an especially bad case, because your mass conformism is masked by the appearance of mass nonconformism. It's a point I learned from my West Point intern, when I asked her what it was like to lead such a uniformed existence. Her answer stayed with me: Wearing a uniform, she said, helped her figure out what it was that really distinguished her as an individual. Now she's a second lieutenant, leading a life of meaning and honor, figuring out how to Think Different for the sake of a cause that counts. Not many of you will be able to follow in her precise footsteps, nor do you need to do so. But if you can just manage to tone down your egos, shape up your minds, and think unfashionable thoughts, you just might be able to do something worthy with your lives. And even get a job. Good luck! Stephens: To The Class Of 2012 [WSJ]