Burn After Reading

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Asked by a reporter whether to believe rumors that he wanted to take [Expedia] private, Barry Diller replied: "I wouldn't." He went on: "I am so suspect of current markets and the hedge funds and momentum selling/buying. I think there is a plot behind everything."


Such as: women in open-toed heels. Why straddle the line? If you're going to show foot, show foot. I'm not a fetishist, God, no, nothing like that, I'm just saying, I don't trust it.
Also: the National Treasure series. The proliferation of rickshaw/bike taxis in NYC-- front for the Jewish mafia? I could go on, and will. For starters--why haven't we found a cure for male pattern baldness? Who is behind the "inability" to cure it? Oprah? The committee to re-elect the president (Nixon)? Who stands to gain from keeping me down? Must ruminate on this one longer...
Additionally: why do newspapers list bowling scores? Is there some code contained within? Methinks yes. What else. Think, Lil Dil, think. ... Get your fucking hands off me, vampire bat!... Oh, Cornish game hens--WTF? I've never seen a chicken that small. Multi-species cloning--GIVEN. But why? Who's behind this very transparent breeding experiment? .....Get off my porch, you rat bastard! I've got a gun...
Diff'rent Strokes was a none-too-veiled shot across the bow from the Russians and Arabs about the looming threats of resource nationalization. Goddammit, why didn't I see it then -- Gary, Todd and Dana were just pawns in that Manchurian plot. Can the damage be undone with counterprogramming, or is it too late?....What? I'll step away from the car when I goddamn well please, and when I do, I've got a .45 and a bucket of lye with your name on it...you won't be missed...Who is behind the premeditated destruction of Corey Haim's career? This was no random occurrence; that boy had fire.
My prophetic soul senses that if you pull back the lid on that one, you open a Pandora's Box of interlocking conspiracies -- maybe all the answers are contained within.

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