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Columbia Student’s Spring Break Momentarily Disrupted By Jimmy Cayne’s Carelessness

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Columbia Spectator Editor: How are we going to top the Timesstory about the UPENN kids who lost the jobs Bear promised they could have before, you know.
Columbia Spectator Staff Writer: Hmm…I mean, there’ve got to be some Columbia kids in the same situation, no? I could interview a bunch of them?
CS E: It's poss…tell me more.
CS SW: Well my roommate’s friend had his offer from Bear taken back and now he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to afford to live in Murray Hill this summer…there’s a chance his parents might pay his rent, but there’s also a chance they might make him move home, which I think is sort of crazy, and would make for a good story, no?
CS E: Well, it’s worse than the Penn girl who’ll merely have to be subsidized by mom and dad for a spell, that’s for sure, but we can do better.
CS SW: Yeah.
CS E: There’s go to be more pain. More heartbreak. Ya dig?
CS SW: Yeah.
CS E: We need to give voice to those who cannot speak.
CS SW: I know. But I've got nothing.
CS E: Same…damn, this is harder than I thought it'd be.
CS SW: You’re telling me.
[They stare at each other in silence for 5 minutes]
CS E: Oh, oh wait, here it is, here comes the money shot—I just got an email about a girl who got the bad news about Bear WHILE ON SPRING BREAK. And get this—she didn’t line up another job at a hedge fund for almost a month after that.
CS SW: God, that is perfect.
CS E: More where that came from, coming at ya. Some chick from the class of ’10—are you sitting down? Are you ready for this? Do you have a paper bag to blow into, because you’re going to need oxygen in a second—got her Bear internship taken away.
CS SW: Then what happened?
CS E: She got one with JPMorgan.
CS SW: Christ, that was touch and go for a while.
CS E: I know.
CS SW: You see? This is why they pay you the big bucks.
Bear Stearns Crash Leaves Students in Employment Crunch [Columbia Spectator]


Jimmy Cayne May Be About To Come Into Some Money!

10-pound bag of Chronic Supernova, consider yourself bought. Thousands of former Bear Stearns Cos. (BSC) employees will share a $10 million settlement of lawsuits claiming they lost money on the bank’s stock in their retirement accounts. Two ex-Bear Stearns employees yesterday asked a federal court judge in Manhattan to approve the settlement on behalf of an estimated 8,400 former colleagues. The settlement will resolve class-action suits filed beginning in 2008 against Bear Stearns and other defendants by former employees of the bank. The employees, participants and beneficiaries of Bear Stearns’s employee stock ownership plan who held shares of the bank’s common stock, claimed risky investments in subprime mortgages caused them to lose money. Ex-Bear Stearns Employees to Get $10 Million in Settlement [Bloomberg] Related: Jimmy Cayne Takes “It’s A Bag Of Oregano” Route In Face Of Drug Use Allegations