'Join Me, Mo Rocca, As I Dump A Load Of Banking Knowledge On Your Internets'

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Bank of America is trading up 4.5 percent and I'm pre-tay sure I know why. Why? I'll tell you why: 'cause they just wrote down $2 billion? No. 'Cause net income for the first quarter fell 77 percent to $1.21 billion? No. 'Cause everyone's so damn excited about owning Countrywide? No. (And yes.) No, people, Bank of America's stay in the motherfucking hizzeyheous hotel can only be attributed to this, the Mo Rocca-hosted (and Ken Lewis shot and directed) videos the firm just rolled out, which tout things like online banking and mobile alerts as being 'smoking' and 'sexy.' Behold, as MoRo asks, "Did you ever imagine that banking could be this hot?" and "Imagine if we were making out and you could mobile bank at the same time" and "What would you say if I told you could could transfer funds naked and check balances from bed?" Now, I know that after watching the spots, you might be thinking, "Those were, completely objectively, absolutely fucking atrocious," and more to the point, just plain dumb. But before you go and short the shit out of BAC, let me just say, as a BoA customer, I have often noted that there is no better feeling than being slammed by their infernal overdrafting charges over and over and over again. So...they might be on to something.

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Mo Rocca On Banking [Bank of America]

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Bank Of America Makes Policy On Flashing Your Bare Ass At The Office Clear

Do you anticipate that at some point the future, in a moment of anger, you'll get the urge to unbuckle your belt, drop trou, and display your ass in the direction of your superiors? Do you hope to keep your job afterwards? If so, just a forewarning: Bank of America is not the company for you. Send a resumé to Citigroup or KKR or wherever. According to court documents, Jason Selch's friend Chris O'Dea was fired after he refused to accept lower compensation. This ticked Selch off. Selch burst into a conference room where executives from Columbia were meeting to give them a piece of his mind. He wound up giving them a piece of something else as well. First Selch asked if he had a non-compete agreement, which on Wall Street is usually a way of threatening to quit and go to work for a competitor. After the executives said he didn't have a non-compete, Selch mooned them, told one of the New York-based executives never to return to Chicago, and left the meeting. Extraordinarily, Selch wasn't fired. Instead he was issued a formal warning. Selch’s boss testified that while 99 percent of employees would have been immediately fired, Selch was one of the one percent who could be granted a one free mooning reprieve. The executive actually fought for Selch to keep his job. When Columbia CEO Brian Banks found out about this incident, he insisted that Selch be fired. The behavior was too “egregious” to allow Selch to continue at Columbia. No free mooning at Bank of America, Banks decided—even if you are in the one percent. The firing meant that Selch lost a multi-million contingent bonus package that would have vested if he had remained at the company a few months more. Because he was fired, Bank of America got the keep the money. Selch sued, arguing that firing him after issuing warning was a breach of contract...Last Wednesday, a three-judge appeals panel upheld the trial court, describing the mooning as “insubordinate, disruptive, unruly and abusive.” BofA Right to Fire Broker Who Mooned His Boss: Court [NetNet]