The Riceman Cometh

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As you all know, Equity Private's tenure with us here at DealBreaker is drawing to a close, pending the triumphant* return of John Carney this Monday. We begged her to stay, because she irritates the commenters better than anyone we know, but apparently there are more important things for Trixie to tend to than Kliarney’s houseplants. What, praytell? We could just come out and say it, but given your performance with the Fed fund rates, John insisted we put it to our genius readers first. After the jump, we’ve assembled a series of possibilities, one of which is correct.
*Brace yourselves. There will be copious fist-pumping. AND: NSFW pictures of rice, plus what promises to be a brutal fallout from mixing ecstasy and opium, as manifested in one sentence posts along the lines of “I feel so much like giving up” and then links to:
1. Stories about how the Carter Administration set motion the current and ongoing destruction of the dollar.
2. Websites loaded with inspirational cat posters from the 1970s in a desperate, self-soothing bid to stave off the demons inside.


A. Private equity acquisition of the Chicago Cubs.
B. Private equity acquisition of DynCorp (Blackwater is "in play," and expensive).
C. Second in command at her firm's new distressed fund.
D. Restructuring certain operations of Linen's ‘n Things.
E. Assembling a rival bid to Apple's pending Fabrique Nationale de Herstal acquisition.

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