Theory: This Was Actually Intended Soley For Jimmy Cayne But They Had To Send It To Everyone So As Not To Embarass Him

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The (very) internal Bear memo we just received is from December and yet, we feel the message bears repeating (at regular intervals, which perhaps is the case for the original recipients, who need to be reminded about this stuff). For the employees who've seen this before--whether you're unsure about plans for the future or are getting ready to head over to JPMorgan--please note that the guidelines found within should probably be heeded even after you leave BSC. For Jamie Dimon-- who clearly had no idea what he was getting himself into-- it's not too late! You can still back out of this thing. Or, at the very least, start making some calls to ensure that the Bear employees you've fired your own to make room for are housed in a quarantined area...like Citigroup.

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Jimmy Cayne May Be About To Come Into Some Money!

10-pound bag of Chronic Supernova, consider yourself bought. Thousands of former Bear Stearns Cos. (BSC) employees will share a $10 million settlement of lawsuits claiming they lost money on the bank’s stock in their retirement accounts. Two ex-Bear Stearns employees yesterday asked a federal court judge in Manhattan to approve the settlement on behalf of an estimated 8,400 former colleagues. The settlement will resolve class-action suits filed beginning in 2008 against Bear Stearns and other defendants by former employees of the bank. The employees, participants and beneficiaries of Bear Stearns’s employee stock ownership plan who held shares of the bank’s common stock, claimed risky investments in subprime mortgages caused them to lose money. Ex-Bear Stearns Employees to Get $10 Million in Settlement [Bloomberg] Related: Jimmy Cayne Takes “It’s A Bag Of Oregano” Route In Face Of Drug Use Allegations