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Bear Stearns Rips Off Another Customer

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But this time it's serious. 'Member those sweet limited edition BSC playing cards we told you about the other day? Commemorating Ace Greenberg's March 8, 1999 50th anniversary with the firm? Bearing his face and money shot of the trademark bowtie? Ringing any bells? Anyway, it was the absolute best piece of Bear memorabilia on the auction block, second only to the wiccan CEO's Little Book Of Magic. Which is why some twerp (who outbid us) put up $61 in exchange for the deck. Now, however, said twerp informs us that the seller "is MIA, and hence we can't complete the deal. He/she was also selling a Bear Stearns football, which we also bid on and won. Needless to say we are more than mildly annoyed at not having our hands on these."
Earlier: Highest Bidder Will Also Receive 2 20-Minute Magic Lessons, On The House

You might be asking yourselves, Why are there full episodes of a seminal television show at the end of each post? Well, last night I was agonizing about the market being down three percent and how suicidal our readers must be feeling and thought, what can I do to cheer them up? Herewith, please enjoy these entire episodes of Alf, on me.


Hedge Fund Manager Who Ripped Off Bear Stearns May Do 200 Years

Let this be a lesson to anyone hoping to avoid a couple centuries in prison-- nobody fucks with Jimmy Cayne's roach clip and gets away with it!

Former Bear Stearns Chairman Ace Greenberg Came Up With The Idea For The New Yorker Pickpocket Profile, Holds Monthly "Gatherings" For The World's Foremost Magicians

Perhaps, some of you thought, that as he pushes 90, former Bear Stearns Chairman and CEO Alan "Ace" Greenberg would slow down a bit, as people his age tend to do. Retiring from his job at JPMorgan seemed unlikely-- he's only 85, after all-- but maybe he'd dial back his time on the magic circuit. Perform old tricks for colleagues, strangers, and friends, rather than new. Just generally not stay up to date on the latest trends in magicianry. Luckily, these baseless assumptions could not be further from the truth. In fact, Ace is sharper than ever, routinely humiliating those half (and even one-sixth) his age while teaching them the ropes in an alley behind JPM HQ. How does he do it? By keeping himself engaged with the upper echelons of the magic community, for whom he hosts a regular salon d'enchantment each month.