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Big Brown Breaks 'Roid Habit, Is Charlie Gasparino Next?

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Not to put a damper on the weekend, but we have it on good authority that International Equine Acquisitions Holdings, the company that owns Big Brown and is turning itself into a hedge fund that hopes to make money off of ponies, is going down. Why? Because the Triple Crown hopeful will not be receiving his monthly dose of Winstrol, an anabolic steroid that he's apparently been receiving injections of for years. BB's trainer, the non-enabling Rick Dutrow Jr., told the Daily News, "I didn't want to mess with anything...he's doing absolutely fabulous." I'm no trainer, and Carney, tragically, grew two inches too tall for the jockey height requirement, but we think this seems like the exact moment to increase juicing, not go cold turkey.
Interestingly enough, Big Brown's vet and IEAH owner both gave lady doth protest too much quotes on the matter, saying "I haven't given that horse a shot since he came back from Preakness" and "This horse has not had a steroid injection since April 15. He will be running void of steroids in this race," respectively, giving us hope that they're simply getting paranoid about people finding out about Brown's smack habit. Just to be safe, we suggest anyone with money riding on this well-hung bitch sneak into the stable tomorrow, and feed the Not Cash Cow a gram or twelve of uncut coke. And if you really care about coming out on top, hire some strippers to wait at the finish line. If a random man who stands at about 5'4 (a couple inches taller than the riders) happens to jump on the tracks mid-race, don't worry. He's not after the whores, he's chasing the horses.

Big Brown won't get shot of Winstrol before Belmont Stakes