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Charlie Gasparino Conjures Up Images Of Man-Rape Among CNBC Staffers

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The great spinning class fracas has drawn to a close and we're obviously all deeply saddened by the loss of daily updates on everything that went down between hedge fund manager Stuart Sugarman shouting affirmations like "You go girl" at himself and broker Christopher Carter being acquitted for throwing Sugarman, still seated on his bike, into a wall. But, God willing, there may be a new, even more entertaining working out-related tiff on the horizon. This time it's between CNBC anchor Joe Kernan and on-air editor Charlie Gasparino.

Earlier this morning, Kernan shared with his Squawk Box co-hosts that Gasparino "grunts in the gym," implying that the audio accompaniment to CG's exercise routine is annoying to those within earshot (roughly, a five mile radius of the BoFlex machine). When asked by instigators Becky Quick and Carl Quintanilla if he planned to confront Gasparino about his grunting, Kernan, realizing the Rego Park shitstorm he'd just walked into, wisely declined and awkwardly joked, "then I'd have the herniated disc," probably making a mental note to deny having ever brought up Gasparino's audible bench pressing and to bribe a PA to erase the footage. But it was too late.
You see, Dear Readers, we here at DB are bored out of our skulls with stories about proxy access, auction-rate securities and Libor. We need pulp. Trash. Running stories about cheesy, sweaty, swarthy, vaguely homoerotic masculine tension to keep us going. So, we placed a call to Gasparino, to see if he any thoughts on the matter. Here's what he had to say:

"Joe is a little intimidated by me. Every time Joe sees me in the CNBC locker room, half naked with a towel around my waist and my tattoo* showing he gets a flash back from a prison movie. Joe's workout is 2.7 miles every other day on the treadmill."

If that doesn't say "I am doing extra reps in preparation to gut you like a fish, you'd best start packing," I don't know what does. Oh, and re: Carter's acquittal, Gasparino had no comment.
*Apparently a lion cub on the right shoulder