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Goldman Acceleration: It's Not A Lie If You Believe It

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'Member that story from two minutes ago about Goldman Sachs telling first years whose services are no longer required at the firm that they're not being fired, they're just graduating early from an "accelerated one-year analyst program" they'd secretly been taking part in? We just received a little more color on the revolutionary approach, from a young alum, who notes:
"At one point I actually though the MD was going to say, 'Congratulations!'" which we can obviously all agree would have been awesome.

Supposedly, the conversation went like this:

MD: You're being placed into the accelerated one-year analyst program.
Analyst: You mean I'm being fired?
MD: No, you're being placed into the new accelerated one-year analyst program and will be paid through August.
Analyst: I'm being fired.
MD: There will be nothing on your record indicating you were fired. It'll say you were in the one-year analyst program.
Analyst: I'm being fired.

The only conceivable way for this story to get even better is if we find out that, per our recommendation, the ValueStockTipsGuy actually was offered a job on the inside, and this approach was his idea. Which, if you think about it, really isn't that outlandish because a. he's an innovator and b. it would put Goldman one step closer to wiping out all the first years and replacing them with one man-- THE VSTG (also our idea).