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Goverment Agency Officially Not Buying Sam Israel's Suicide

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The U.S. Marshals Service told Bloomberg this afternoon that re: convicted hedge fund manager Sam Israel, "suicide has been ruled out," and that the industry's biggest M*A*S*H fan has been declared a fugitive. A spokeswoman for Manhattan U.S. Attorney Michael Garcia declined to comment on why Israel's status had been changed, though clearly it was because everyone's finally come around to accept the fact that Israel's "suicide note" was not the work of a man desperate enough to off himself, but one who'd been trawling IMDB for week to find the perfect (ly transparent) "sign off." Obviously, this has done wonders for the potential riches of the individual auctioning Israel's business card on eBay, which is now up to $41 from Friday's $6.
Earlier: Here's A Tip-Off You Maybe Shouldn't Give This Fund Your Money: AOL Address
U.S. Dismisses Israel Suicide; Calls Him a Fugitive [Bloomberg]