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Let's Make You Some Money

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Today's big money idea is the logical continuation of last week's tip about getting in on the car-fucking trend early. Felix Dennis is a "businessman" who used to publish Maxim, so when it comes to monetizing masturbation, he knows what he's talking about. In a new interview with BusinessWeek, FD reveals to reporter Jon Fine that the next place you will want to put your money (and D) is in the business of robot sex.

He doesn't get into a specific plan of action, but since many of you have been on one side or the other of this equation, either as the robot ("To initiate groping press one," "to do something you swore you'd never do, press two," "must state up front that all other buttons, including button one, will default to option two," "failure to quickly select an option (two) will result in my automatic choosing of option two," "I am programmed to only receive and not give pleasure," "Ejaculation sequence to commence in t minus 20 seconds...ten seconds...FIVE SEC--ONE SECOND!") or the guy having sex with an inanimate object, we thought you might be able to put some ideas together.

FD: And then I think robotic sex is going to be an enormous business. So big it's going to be impossible to compute. The idea you can have whatever you want and [expletive] whenever you want is just so important for men and women, there's no point in pretending.
BW: [slightly astonished at this conversational turn] I am thinking it's more important for men.
FD: No! I completely disagree. I totally disagree. I think for women as well.
BW: [still slightly astonished] How far away is this?
FD: Not very far. It is going to be fantastic. I just hope I am going to be able to get my hands on it before I pop my clutch. Just want to get a few down. I'm just saying that it's going to be happening. It is such a fantastic business. It is so obvious and screaming. There is none of the messing around with the opposite sex and feeling like a completely guilty [expletive]. All of that, gone! 'Can I have a [very specific characterization] please?' 'Yes.'
BW: It's important to me that you don't edit yourself--
FD: 'Can I have a [even more graphic characterization]?' 'Certainly! We've got plenty of those. We deliver them all the time.'

The Felix Dennis Tapes, Part 2: "Robotic Sex" To Be "So Big, It's Impossible To Compute." [BusinessWeek]


Occupy Wall Street Defense Specialist: "Try In Vain to Sprint Away Alone" At Your Own Risk

Remember Occupy Wall Street? After being evicted from its Zuccotti Park global headquarters in Lower Manhattan last year the group seemed to loose a bit of steam but has vowed a resurgence, starting with a May 1 "spring offensive." Protests have been planned in 115 cities where "the financial elite play and plan," including the midtown offices of JPMorgan and Bank of America. Worried your place of business or home might be the target of some uninvited guests and/or a surly gigantic check? Then you might want to get in touch with your fellow prey and start strategizing. Planning for May 1 in New York began in January in a fourth-floor workspace at 16 Beaver St., about two blocks from Wall Street, according to Holmes. The date serves as an international labor day, commemorating a deadly 1886 clash between police and workers in Chicago’s Haymarket Square. The midtown demonstrations will take place from 8 a.m. to 2 p.m., followed by a march from Bryant Park to Union Square and a 4 p.m. rally there, according to an online schedule. Protesters, including labor unions and community groups, have a permit to march from Union Square to lower Manhattan, according to police. Goldman Sachs Group’s headquarters is among financial- district picketing options, Holmes said. Brian McNary, director of global risk at Pinkerton Consulting & Investigations, a subsidiary of Sweden’s Securitas AB works with international financial firms to “identify, map and track” protesters across social media and at their assemblies, he said. The companies gather data “carefully and methodically” to prevent business disruptions. Banks are preparing for Occupy demonstrations at the North Atlantic Treaty Organization’s Chicago summit on May 20 and 21 by sharing information from video surveillance, robots and officers in buildings, giving “a real-time, 360-degree” view, said McNary, who works on the project. Banks cooperating on surveillance are like elk fending off wolves in Yellowstone National Park, he said. While other animals try in vain to sprint away alone, elk survive attacks by forming a ring together, he said. As for what to do in the interim, pre-attack by wolf pack, lock it up. You're not doing anything. You're not teaming up with other elks, you haven't even heard about the demonstrations. What is Occupy Wall Street? Sayeth Mcnary, “When you portray a position ofweakness, it invites attack. [Banks] don’t want to provide the perception that they’re hunkering down behind their bulwarks and putting up big walls.” Wall Street Tracks ‘Wolves’ as May 1 Protests Loom [Bloomberg]