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Meet The Junk Bond Of Your Dreams Tonight

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Are you one of those guys who goes to bars and in lieu of having personality or looks to get by on re: picking up girls, are all "I work in finance," or, if you're really trying to come off as unimaginably lame, "I work at Goldman"? If you answered "yes" without the slightest bit of shame, we absolutely insist you attend tonight's Fashion Meets Finance event, being thrown by PocketChange, the people who brought us "Speed Dating for Rich Older Women and Hot Young Men (Sugar Mamas and Boy Toys)," AKA the greatest spectator sport of all time. Tonight's affair, which will take place at Taj, is based on the idea that "women in fashion need men who can facilitate their pre-30 marriage/retirement plan, and men in finance need women who will allow them to leverage their career in their dating equity."
Said PocketChange founder Jeremy Abelson, "It just seems so natural. This is so organically New York. When I go out with guys, they're sitting there, anxious, silently willing girls to ask them where they work so they can say 'finance' and the girls can know they're rich, and it's a done deal." (DB: "You don't think desperation by a guy to tell a girl he works in that particular field is a red flag that he's a tool?" JA: "I think it's irrelevant because there is a massive female population that responds to the phrase, 'I work at [insert bank here].' Regardless of my opinion of these two groups, I feel like I'm doing a Mitzvah because they're destined for each other.").
Sound like something you might be interested in? You have until 2:55 pm to RSVP. The only cost is $5 donation, if we're not taking pride into account (SilverJet was originally a sponsor until it ceased operations; PocketChange is actually taking loss on the evening's festivities). They're pretty much accepting everyone, though Abelson does caution that the following will result in a rejected application: girls who work in finance, guys who work in fashion, sending a picture of two lions fucking, which we think is extremely shortsighted but whatevs. Apparently "a homosexual male in fashion" is threatening to take PC to court because the event is "unfairly exclusive" which really only adds to the glitz and glamour of it all.
Not entirely convinced? Let's take a gander at a few of the specimens you could encounter, should you make the wise decision to take part. Surely it'll tip the scales. Or, alternatively, make you want to throw a grenade into the party and kill all the assholes in NYC in one fell swoop.

Name: CJ Sullivan
Employer: Goldman Sachs
Position: Investment banker
Salary: Not Specified

Name: Bianca Kim
Employer: Manolo Blahnik
Position: Merchandise
Salary: $500,000+

Name: Zack Dugow
Employer: Vanguard
Position: Risk Administrator
Salary: $150,000-$199,000

Name: Genna Kennedy
Employer: Marc Jacobs
Position: Designer
Salary: $500,000+

Name: Bill Radin
Employer: Citi
Position: VP of Compliance
Salary: Not Specified


Financial Services Employee's Excel Spreadsheet Of Dating Prospects Allows For 18 Year-Olds, Has No Room For "Jappy" Girls

Have you ever wanted to bring the same methodical organization and analytical rigor to your dating life that you bring to your work product? Did you think to yourself, "Excel, of course," and proceed to create a spreadsheet that included not simply the names, phone numbers, and photos of the people you were either in the early stages of or attempting to date but the last time you "communicated," the last time (if ever) you saw each other, and your initial thoughts on said person? A document that did not allow you to input a number in the "age" column but choose one from a drop-down list (18-30), just as it constrained you from entering a value of less than 7.0 in the "appearance" field, lest you attempt to veer off course with someone underage, old, or not up to an acceptable level of hotness? Did you tell a person included in said document about its existence and did you proceed to send it to her? At least one financial services professional feels you. From: [redacted] Date: Sat, Apr 7, 2012 at 12:16 AM Subject: spreadsheet... Well...this could be a mistake, but what the hell. I thought about deleting the names, but figured I might as will give you the whole thing. I only deleted the non-match people's names (at the bottom) since some I've known for a long time. I hope this e-mail doesn't backfire, because I really had a great time and hope to hang again soon :). However, I will keep my word! Have a great weekend! Prospects Spreadsheet [PDF]