Meet The Junk Bond Of Your Dreams Tonight


Are you one of those guys who goes to bars and in lieu of having personality or looks to get by on re: picking up girls, are all "I work in finance," or, if you're really trying to come off as unimaginably lame, "I work at Goldman"? If you answered "yes" without the slightest bit of shame, we absolutely insist you attend tonight's Fashion Meets Finance event, being thrown by PocketChange, the people who brought us "Speed Dating for Rich Older Women and Hot Young Men (Sugar Mamas and Boy Toys)," AKA the greatest spectator sport of all time. Tonight's affair, which will take place at Taj, is based on the idea that "women in fashion need men who can facilitate their pre-30 marriage/retirement plan, and men in finance need women who will allow them to leverage their career in their dating equity."
Said PocketChange founder Jeremy Abelson, "It just seems so natural. This is so organically New York. When I go out with guys, they're sitting there, anxious, silently willing girls to ask them where they work so they can say 'finance' and the girls can know they're rich, and it's a done deal." (DB: "You don't think desperation by a guy to tell a girl he works in that particular field is a red flag that he's a tool?" JA: "I think it's irrelevant because there is a massive female population that responds to the phrase, 'I work at [insert bank here].' Regardless of my opinion of these two groups, I feel like I'm doing a Mitzvah because they're destined for each other.").
Sound like something you might be interested in? You have until 2:55 pm to RSVP. The only cost is $5 donation, if we're not taking pride into account (SilverJet was originally a sponsor until it ceased operations; PocketChange is actually taking loss on the evening's festivities). They're pretty much accepting everyone, though Abelson does caution that the following will result in a rejected application: girls who work in finance, guys who work in fashion, sending a picture of two lions fucking, which we think is extremely shortsighted but whatevs. Apparently "a homosexual male in fashion" is threatening to take PC to court because the event is "unfairly exclusive" which really only adds to the glitz and glamour of it all.
Not entirely convinced? Let's take a gander at a few of the specimens you could encounter, should you make the wise decision to take part. Surely it'll tip the scales. Or, alternatively, make you want to throw a grenade into the party and kill all the assholes in NYC in one fell swoop.

Name: CJ Sullivan
Employer: Goldman Sachs
Position: Investment banker
Salary: Not Specified

Name: Bianca Kim
Employer: Manolo Blahnik
Position: Merchandise
Salary: $500,000+

Name: Zack Dugow
Employer: Vanguard
Position: Risk Administrator
Salary: $150,000-$199,000

Name: Genna Kennedy
Employer: Marc Jacobs
Position: Designer
Salary: $500,000+

Name: Bill Radin
Employer: Citi
Position: VP of Compliance
Salary: Not Specified


Your Dream Gig: Now Within Reach

Back in the day, as in 2007, Wall Street compensated its employees in a way that made them feel loved. In a way that made them feel special. In a way that made the long hours, the constant stress, the soaring highs and the crashing lows, the verbal and sometimes physical abuse bearable. Now, obviously, not so much. Combine that with suffocating regulation and you've got a bunch of financial services hacks who are saying "I want out." Some, like the Goldman partners who've already made enough money to not have to work again, are simply retiring. Others are waiting to get fired. Yet other are seeking out the warm embrace of hedge funds. A lesser number, though, are using the shift as an opportunity to finally leap for that dream, be it baking cupcakes or slapping bare asses with branches. But about your dream? You know the one. The one you've never shared with a soul. The one that's always in the back of your head. The one that keeps you up at night. The has you giving the side-eye to the dog-walkers you see your neighborhood-- because it's not fair. YOU should be the one wrangling the packs of pups, masterfully juggling dozens of leashes at a time that you'd never let get knotted.  Unfortunately, because this is the world we live in, no one would ever give you a chance. Something about being overqualified for the job, they said, looking you up and down in your dress pants and blue button-down, smirking, thinking "Like this guy can command the respect of a bunch of bitches." Plus, you had a lifestyle to maintain and the golden handcuffs were still a serious draw. Now though, you've been unshackled. And you know all those little plastic bags you've been subconsciously saving under the sink for years, waiting for your moment to come? It's here now.