Hirst Still Playing Elaborate Joke On Hedge Fund Community


Hey there aspiring Little Steves-- nows your chance to sidle up to the big guy and remark, "Looks like we have the same taste in art, though mine clearly veers a little more towards the Renaissance Fair-inspired, gay works." Artist Damien Hirst is selling some new pieces from his 'animal-in-formaldehyde' schtick collection. Up for grabs at Sotheby's from September 15-16 will be "The Golden Calf," a calf in a-- wait for it-- glass tank of formaldehyde, "The Incredible Journey," a zebra in a-- wait for it-- glass tank of formaldehyde, and "The Dream Foal," the unicorn pictured above in a-- wait for it-- glass tank of formaldehyde, among others. Get them while they're hot. One item we'd recommend bowing out of is "The Kingdom," a tiger shark in a glass tank, which cannot please Stevie-boy, who is supposed to be the only one who owns such a display of badassery. Hirst had originally promised SC that the follow-up shark would be submerged in a tank of jello, in order to clearly delineate alpha v. beta fish, but it's been whispered that he ditched the gelatin at the last second, just to "see what happens." Spoiler alert: since what will happen is the BG ripping your face off, you'd be wise to let him have this one, unless of course you're into that sort of thing, in which case, proceed.
Artist Hirst Jumps The Shark, Cuts Out Dealers [NYP]
Golden calf, bull's heart, a new shark: Hirst's latest works may fetch £65m [Guardian]


Attention Art Lovers And People Looking To Hedge Their Bets: Get Your Mathew Martoma Today

Geoffrey Raymond, Wall Street's artist in-residence, who's done everyone from Jimmy Cayne to Jamie Dimon to Lenny Dykstra to Ina Drew, put his paintbrush to the canvas over the weekend and came up with this: "Portrait of Mathew Martoma, In The Manner of Roy Lichtenstein," which is apparently supposed to be an homage to "Drowning Girl." As this one might become a collector's item, and animals in formaldehyde aren't going for what they used to, consider making him an offer tout de suite. Bidding starts at 10K.

UK Hedge Fund Manager's Chickens To Maintain The Lifestyle They've Grown Accustomed To In 2013

What motivates a hedge fund manager to continue busting his ass to churn out profits year after year, once he's already amassed a fortune most people can't even fathom, when he could easily pack it all in and live more than comfortably without ever working another day? For some, it's the thrill. For others, it's the trophy's wife's shoe habit. For Crispin Odey, it's the chickens. The Odey Asset Management founder (and sausage brand ambassador)'s got a mess of high-maintenance ones and earlier this year, had architects draft blueprints of a "Palladian-style" mansion he intended to build them (seen at left), replete with a grey zinc roof, "pediments, cornice, architrave, and frieze in English oak," and columns "hewn from the finest grey Forest of Dean standstone." After finishing 2011 down 20.3%, things were no doubt more than a little tense over in Herefordshire, where questions of whether or not construction would have to be halted, or if they'd have to make the switch to [whispers] generic-brand feed. Certainly a moment of panic swept over Odey each day when he returned home, wondering as he turned the knob if he'd be entering an empty house, the chickens gone and a note explaining they couldn't do this anymore on the fridge. Ran off with the general contractor because what was the point of shacking up with a money manger if the money wasn't there? Luckily for all parties involved, it won't have to come to that; according to Bloomberg Markets' annual ranking of the top performing hedge funds, performing under pressure is one of Odey's specialities.