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The Dark Side Of Being Rich Enough To Afford $400 Crab Legs

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"And I just hate that I've been locked into this whole $400 crab legs shtick thing. Like, it was funny at first but now it's all people see me as, and it's sort of taken over my entire identity and I don't know how to escape it and it's like the crabs are eating away at me instead of the other way around. And it's crazy because crabs aren't even by favorite food, not by a long shot! The reporter just caught me on a day I happened to be eating crab salad but it was totally freaking arbitrary and if memory serves I think I'd requested a bag of Lays but my wife had just put me on a diet and vetoed "that garbage." It just really makes me want to go a killing rampage, this association. I want to go circus freak crazy on all the people who keep disseminating this picture of me as a guy who's so *obsessed* with crabs that he found a plastic surgeon who would perform a procedure that would replace his arms/hands with crab leg/pinchers. Like, fuck off, get some new material! And don't get me started on that prick at Blackstone-- Peterson-- who thinks it's just so funny to send me YouTubes of crabs having sex, like that's something I get off on. Why doesn't anyone write about how I love chalupas, Cubans, tuna straight from the can when I'm feeling particularly naughty. Even just taking shellfish into account crabs don't make my Top 3. I'd definitely choose mussels or oysters or cockles with a little vinegar over crabs. Why are you laughing? Oh...yes, I said 'cock.' Hilarious."
Therapists to the Elite: Challenges of $600-a-Session Patients, a series examining the effects of the growing concentration of wealth [NYT]