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Why Is The Market Rallying?

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We're against explaining broad market movements when we have no idea (and neither does anyone else),* which is sort of beside the point because, as cynical assholes, we're not here to give theories, we're here to shoot them down. Here are a couple that we can safely target--the alleged shortage of financial stocks to short and the idea that shorts have been massively covering.
Obviously, there has been a lot of talk that short sellers were having trouble locating stocks to short following the new emergency rule put in place by the SEC. This was allegedly causing the rates of rebates to change massively. Wrong, bitches (who thought that)! Wrong. All nineteen stocks on The List are still available and securities lending departments are having no problem borrowing.
There also doesn't seem to be a classic short-squeeze thing going on, with shorts scrambling to cover their positions. As of this morning, polled prime brokers were saying that there was virtually no covering of the Royal 19.
*That's not entirely true. There have been whispers that Jimmy Cayne promised to flash everyone if there was a sizable enough surge, but we weren't able to get confirmation and didn't want to start a rumor that would get anyone's hopes up. Believe it if you dare.