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Amex Encourages Employees To Fire Each Other

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When layoffs season really got into full swing, we urged you to get creative regarding how you went about firing people. (A few out of the box ideas included: "A game of Assassin," "turn off all the lights for five minutes and let everyone slap whoever they can at will/random. When the lights come on, the people with the reddest faces should be fired," "something having to do with a lethal strain of syphilis (the rule is it can't be treated)"). Goldman was the only one who did, though the Masters in HR refused to take ownership of their genius, only commenting "no comment" when asked about the Accelerated Analyst Program at GS. And that's no fun. If you're going to fuck with soon-to-be former employees you've got to own that shit.
Today a brave band of forward thinkers at Amex did just that. Tomorrow I hope you [Thain, Pandit, WHOEVER] will do the same. Apparently an e-mail went out to all AXP employees that said, paraphrasing, "As you know, we're in a rough economic environment...so we're launching a campaign called Speak Up and Speak Out, so that you can report on each others' violations without reprieve." We've got tons of cuts to make so no transgression is too small. Do you sense that the guy who sits next to you genuinely enjoys "Two and a Half Men"? LET US KNOW. Cost cutting or not, his ass deserves to be canned.

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UBS Chairman: Other Banks Will Have To Fire Thousands Of Employees Too, Y'Know

Difference is, UBS is the only one that's faced facts already, 'cause they're consistently ahead of the curve like that. Credit Suisse, Deutsche Bank, all those other guys will get a cold hard dose of reality sooner or later, though, and when they do they'll say, "Damn! UBS was all over this!" A day after UBS AG announced it was cutting up to 10,000 jobs by 2015, UBS chairman Axel Weber is warning that many of the Swiss banking giant’s rivals may have to follow suit...“I suspect that many banks have not yet really understood what the consequences of the new capital rules for business will be when they come into full effect in 2019,” Weber was quoted as saying in Wednesday’s edition of the German daily Handelsblatt. “We, on the other hand, see this new world very clearly,” he said. “Besides that, Swiss rules commit us to even higher own capital demands than the 10 percent capital quota that Basel III orders.” UBS Chief: Other Banks May Need To Downsize Too [AP] Earlier: Layoffs Watch ’12: UBS Tells Employees Not To Bother Themselves With Figuring Out How To Get Into Work (Ever Again)

Bank Of America To Fire A Bunch Of Employees Just For Fun

Actually, we don't know several dozen employees in  the bank's global markets unit in Asia are going to be fired, only that these cuts are not part of Project New BAC (the company's plan to save $8 billion by laying off 40,000), so "just for fun" is one possibility. Bank of America plans to cut about 40 jobs at its global markets unit in Asia, a person with knowledge of the matter said. The reductions aren’t part of the Project New BAC program announced last year to pare expenses, according to the person, who asked not to be identified because the matter is confidential and declined to provide additional details. Shirley Wong, a Hong Kong-based spokeswoman for the Charlotte, North Carolina-based bank, declined to comment. [Bloomberg]

Bank Of America Hoping To Fire Thousands Of Employees In Record Time

Remember Project New BAC, i.e. Bank of America's plan to transform itself from Ken Lewis's house of fun, where everyone went home happy but the concept of making money was less of a focus than keeping the good times coming, to an institution that did things like post profits? The bank has said previously that PNBAC "will result in $8 billion in annual savings by 2015—$5 billion from the first phase and $3 billion from a second phase" and while it stands by those figures and remains committed to cutting as many employees as it takes, some people would like them to be a bit snappier about it. Bank of America is accelerating a broad cost-cutting plan and has set a target of shedding 16,000 jobs by year's end—cuts that would see the company relinquish its title as U.S. banking's largest employer. The proposed year-end total of 260,000 would be the lowest count since 2008 and likely give Bank of America a smaller workforce than JPMorgan Chase, Citigroup, or Wells Fargo...Chief Executive Brian Moynihan is trying to speed the company's transformation into a smaller and more efficient operation as he tries to persuade investors that expenses can be adjusted to compensate for revenue lost to new regulations, an uneven economy and shaky markets. Since becoming CEO in 2010, he has shifted away from a nationwide expansion strategy embraced by his predecessors Hugh L. McColl Jr. and Kenneth D. Lewis, and shed many of the businesses that he considers to be nonessential...Hitting the new staffing target would fulfill a year early Mr. Moynihan's pledge to slash the bank's workforce by approximately 30,000. "If they want to make any headway toward improving profitability," said Sterne Agee & Leach Inc. senior banking analyst Todd Hagerman, "they need to accelerate the timeline." Bank Of America Ramps Up Job Cuts [WSJ]