Skip to main content

Goldman Not Kowtowing To Little Rich Boy Clients

  • Author:
  • Updated:

UBS, Citigroup, JPMorgan etc have agreed (or are close to agreeing) to buy back billions in auction rate securities from their clients. As these people are relative peons compared to the God-like creatures serviced by Goldman Sachs, a fact which must be reinforced at all times lest the GLCs get testy, you would think that the master of the universe would be scrambling to not only reimburse their investors, but to secure a big enough space to assemble them all for the purposes of administering fellatio as an added way of saying sorry and to remind them of the added value in going Gold.* But you would think WRONG! Oh yes, the Journal reports that an unintended bit of comedy emerging from this whole auction rate securities shitstorm is the fact that "for once, Wall Street isn't bending over backward for its richest clients," with Goldman so far "refusing to buy back clients' auction-rate paper."
And that's making Goldman's clients mad, and also confused, you know, because they've never been treated like this before! Some of them probably almost want to say it's oddly thrilling but obviously would never admit to that and probably couldn't articulate it anyway. And besides, even if they did like it on some level, they like money more which is why Carl Everett, for instance, who has been satisfied with the firm's service until now is saying stuff like, "That's disappointing to me-- my expectation is for the Goldman Sachs brand."
Of course-- and I say "of course" not knowing my ass from my elbows vis-a-vis auction-rate securities-- Goldman's probably going to suck it up eventually and acquiesce to Everett and Co.'s demands (even though what they should do is say, "Fuck you, you get NOTHING" and put their clients on a diet of tough love, which people respond to in the long run). Until then, let's all sit back and enjoy the accompanying graphic to the Journal article which, if you look closely, illustrates a Goldman investor crying. Somebody came to work today.

Goldman Balks at Helping Rich Clients Recover From 'Auction Rate' Securities [WSJ]
*Giants Stadium isn't available and while MSG is free, its surface will not provide the desired turf--burn effect on the knees of those attempting to repent for their sins. Radio City Music Hall is said to be a contender.