Lehman Brothers Sorry, For Everything

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The Wall Street Journal reports that Lehman Brothers recently apologized to clients for ripping off parts of a Sanford Bernstein research report without attribution back in March. In a note sent last week, the bank admitted that the research in a paper on the semiconductor industry "closely resembled" that of analyst Toni Sacconaghi. A Bernstein spokesman told the Journal the firm "greatly appreciated the letter," which both informed clients of the plagiarism and begged for Bernstein's forgiveness. So it's all water under the bridge now but clearly this is the kind of stuff we have to look forward to. You know as well as I do that if Lehman weren't currently in a shitstorm of its own making, it wouldn't be apologizing to anyone. They'd be dicks about the Bernstein thing, just because they could. Now that they've changed their ticker to TNB (The Next Bear), and no one wants to be associated with them, they're going on a bender, apologizing for everything, even shit that wasn't their fault. Over the next couple weeks, watch out for:
- An official apology to Einhorny for registering the address 'meddling bastard' (all one word), at Yahoo dot com, adding his signature to the bottom and sending out 2 AM emails extolling the virtues of barnyard animals.
- Late night calls attempting to get back in the good graces of Joe Gregory and Erin Callan
- Mea culpa fruit baskets to the two Coreys for ruining their careers
- A public apology and year's supply of Junior's cheesecake to SAC for getting in the way of the HFs plan to take them down, and foiling the plot to go 2 for 2*
Lehman's 'Mea Culpa' [WSJ]
*That's Lehman talking, not me. Personally I love SAC, and Einhorny, as well.

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Everybody Give It Up For Lehman Brothers!

"We are proud to announce Lehman's exit from chapter 11 and entrance into the final stage of this process -- distributions to creditors. Our objective remains to provide the best results possible for creditors -- by continuing to strategically position assets to produce strong values, to pursue the resolution of disputed claims and other matters in litigation, and to manage expenses in line with the asset disposition process," said John Suckow, who is managing director with bankruptcy adviser Alvarez & Marsal and Lehman's president and COO. Suckow also thanked Lehman employees for working "diligently" since the bank's collapse in September 2008 to reach the milestone. [NYP]