Not Even Merrill Lynch Wants To Be Associated With Tom Cruise

Author:
Publish date:
Updated on

Merrill Lynch may very well be in danger of failing but recent intel shows anecdotal evidence of Thain and Co. at least pretending to give a rat's ass about not ending up both broke and crazy (by association). The Post reports that the firm is looking for any excuse to "retool" a deal made last year with Tom Cruise's production company, United Artists.
As of now Merrill is committed to shelling out $500 million in financing for 15 to 18 movies but "has been combing through its contract for any potential triggers to a default on a loan as a key to reopen talks" in an attempt to safeguard MER from losing millions provided Cruise continues on the batshit insane trajectory, including breaking the deal entirely. Though Jerry is supposedly the best part of Tropic Thunder, in his role as a fat, balding movie mogul, UA did not produce the film. Instead, it produced Valkyrie which is said to be prettay prettay prettay bad, and has a slew of other films on the horizon in which Scientology boy takes himself too seriously, the press for which will likely be compromised by the presence of thetans. UA parent company Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer has hired Goldman Sachs to shut down any maneuvering by Merrill.
In any event, a full-length version of the following is our recommendation if UA/TC/MER are interested in making bank:

See more Jerry Minor videos at Funny or Die

Related