To the "too long, didn't read" guy: Might as well post it now, fucker.
Today marks my final day of having the privilege to be speculated upon as being a gay cowboy or a program director at WKRP. I've enjoyed being a protégé of Carney and Bess while stalking Carl Icahn for most of the summer and having a commenter repeatedly tell me that nobody cares about Yahoo.
So, in honor of my departure, here's a favorite/best of/underrated/etc. list for this summer:
Favorite recurring story: Sam Israel - One word. Egret. This nutcase, whose business card I almost won on eBay, sparked the biggest debate of the summer among readers about what kind of bird was on his card. I personally believed it was a pelican.
Most underrated story: "Wizards of Short-Selling." It came at a bad time when nobody was around, yet it was still hilarious. Especially that fake David Blaine video.
Most criticized post: "DealBreaker's Guide To Living Just Above The Poverty Line." This piece garnered such niceties like:
1) "Ben" Give up. You suck.
2) Ben--You missed the obvious, you douchbag!
3) Horrible article. Not in the least bit funny. I hope this is the last time this community college reject gets an article posted on Dealbreaker.
Best Office to Comment Board Romance: Bess and girl - Some of you had that tingling in your pants when you read their lovely back-and-forth prose.
Most annoying recurring comment: Mayo mayo mayo.
Favorite commenter: Anal_yst - You threatened to beat the mayo out of me and your username disturbs me, but I thought in general you had the most useful and worthy comments.
Best comment: "J.C., I hate you, and I hate your libertarian rants. I hope that one day you find yourself uninsured. I hope that at this time you find yourself in need of medical attention. I hope that we have socialized medicine at this time. Not because I believe in it, but because you would have the opportunity to write the most ridiculous rant against our welfare society. I hope that you die shortly after your diatribe is published. I hate you
Most Overrated Lunch Meal: Shake Shack. The milkshake was good, but the burger was bland.
Biggest regret: Not talking to the cute Fashionista girl twenty feet away in the office.
Biggest Financial D-Bag: Prescott Hahn. I'm kinda pissed I missed out on the Fashion Meets Finance event. Maybe I could have gotten a picture with this turd. At least I called his phone, but I got no answer.
Runner up: As commenters 7 and 17 pointed out, this trio of idiots: (go to 1:38 of the video).
I sign off with this nonsensical video in their honor.