Senior Yacrosoft Correspondent Travis Says Good-Bye


To the "too long, didn't read" guy: Might as well post it now, fucker.
Today marks my final day of having the privilege to be speculated upon as being a gay cowboy or a program director at WKRP. I've enjoyed being a protégé of Carney and Bess while stalking Carl Icahn for most of the summer and having a commenter repeatedly tell me that nobody cares about Yahoo.
So, in honor of my departure, here's a favorite/best of/underrated/etc. list for this summer:
Favorite recurring story: Sam Israel - One word. Egret. This nutcase, whose business card I almost won on eBay, sparked the biggest debate of the summer among readers about what kind of bird was on his card. I personally believed it was a pelican.
Most underrated story: "Wizards of Short-Selling." It came at a bad time when nobody was around, yet it was still hilarious. Especially that fake David Blaine video.
Most criticized post: "DealBreaker's Guide To Living Just Above The Poverty Line." This piece garnered such niceties like:
1) "Ben" Give up. You suck.
2) Ben--You missed the obvious, you douchbag!
3) Horrible article. Not in the least bit funny. I hope this is the last time this community college reject gets an article posted on Dealbreaker.
Tough crowd.
Best Office to Comment Board Romance: Bess and girl - Some of you had that tingling in your pants when you read their lovely back-and-forth prose.
Most annoying recurring comment: Mayo mayo mayo.
Favorite commenter: Anal_yst - You threatened to beat the mayo out of me and your username disturbs me, but I thought in general you had the most useful and worthy comments.
Best comment: "J.C., I hate you, and I hate your libertarian rants. I hope that one day you find yourself uninsured. I hope that at this time you find yourself in need of medical attention. I hope that we have socialized medicine at this time. Not because I believe in it, but because you would have the opportunity to write the most ridiculous rant against our welfare society. I hope that you die shortly after your diatribe is published. I hate you
Warm Regards,
The Anti-Christ"
Most Overrated Lunch Meal: Shake Shack. The milkshake was good, but the burger was bland.
Biggest regret: Not talking to the cute Fashionista girl twenty feet away in the office.
Biggest Financial D-Bag: Prescott Hahn. I'm kinda pissed I missed out on the Fashion Meets Finance event. Maybe I could have gotten a picture with this turd. At least I called his phone, but I got no answer.
Runner up: As commenters 7 and 17 pointed out, this trio of idiots: (go to 1:38 of the video).
I sign off with this nonsensical video in their honor.



Housekeeping: Foreign Correspondents

Do you live in London or Hong Kong, Tokyo, Singapore or another Asian financial capital? Do you want to write about the financial industry there, for Dealbreaker? Great news!

PIMCO, via Wikimedia Commons

Layoffs Watch '16: PIMCO To Say Some Tough Good-Byes

On the bright side, you can always join Bill Gross at the new shop?