Holy fucking hell I can barely type this as I am shaking in excitement and definitely suffering from a decrease in oxygen to the brain as a result of hyperventilating-inducing euphoria. Tonight, at 10 PM, Dateline will be airing "The Mystery of the Missing Millionaire," a special about SAM ISRAEL! I'm truly beside myself. As it would be a fool's mission to try and not get our hopes up, we expect tonight's show to include the following:
- B-roll of the egret and interviewer walking down the street
- An interview with a sex therapist who specializes in interspecies intercourse
- A Dealbreaker shout-out!
- An interview with the trollop who outbid us for the b-card.
- An eyewitness account of the industry's biggest M*A*S*H fan escaping the second time around.
- YOUR CALL
HOPEFULLY UNRELATED: Not Enough Cock, Coke or Money: The Few Things That Didn't Suck about CNBC's Seth Tobias Special
An all-new Dateline Friday 10 p.m./9 C [MSNBC]
Gary Cohn Is Very Happy Doing What He’s Doing i.e. Waiting For Someone To Pick Up The Hints He's Been Dropping And Retire Already
“Of course I would like to be CEO of Goldman Sachs, but I am very happy in the role and job I’m in now and I’ve a great job and a great opportunity in front of me. I am very happy doing what I am doing.” Related: Report: Lloyd Blankfein and Gary Cohn May Not Be Splitting A Milkshake With Two Straws Anytime Soon
Bonus Watch '16: No One Is In This Business For The Money, Right?
Otherwise next week's bonus conversations could get awkward.
Housekeeping: This Is One Of My Last Posts For Dealbreaker
This is almost too hard to type.