Say No To Bailout

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By which we mean calling it a "bailout." As many have noted, one not so small factor in Congress's failure to pass the bill is that many perceived as a "Fat Cat Bailout." BUT! If we just swap that dirty little word for something more palatable, there's probably a decent chance all of the naysayers will suddenly say, "Oh yes, sure, pass it. Why are you bothering me with this? I'm trying to watch Two and a Half Men."
Yesterday, 78.8 percent of you agreed that the name of the bill should be changed to "The American Freedom and Anti Terrorism and Defense Of Marriage Finance Act." Before we send it along to our friends in the District, are we set on this one? We're fine with it, but is there anything else we should consider? The only other things we can come up with are "The Emaciated Dog Bill" (which would probably be popular as it is the opposite of overweight felines, and you know how people love their dogs), "The 2008 Ass Tourniquet Bill," and "The We're Going To Give You Guys The Money, But Upon Receipt, You Have To Promise To Strip Naked And March Down Wall Street Chanting We're Not Worthy Bill." Surely you can do better.

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