The Very Model Of A Modern Major-General

Financial crisis can have an ironically soothing effect on management. Suddenly you can mark a bunch of stuff down, fess up to fiscal disasters and blame it all on the recent "economic whirlwind." If you are clever, you can also claim some largess from pandering politicos at the same time. Sound like anyone we know? How about General Electric? Jeffrey Immelt had the poor manners to permit GE to disappoint a few times already. And now, after lowering their profit forecast for the second time in 6 months, they've also had to suspend a long-standing stock buyback program. Ouch.
GE hasn't seen $20 since 2003, but seems quickly headed there today. Seems like their Associate Membership in the Lamprey Longs isn't doing much for them.
A frequent Dealbreaker reader suggested to Bess yesterday that they should just merge with Morgan Stanley and become General Stanley. Think of the potential for skits at the annual shareholders meeting!

I am the very model of a modern Major-General,
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
- Major General Stanley, The Pirates of Penzance

GE Cuts Forecast, Suspends Buyback on Market Weakness [Bloomberg]


Nelson Peltz Is Giving GE A Real Case Of The Mondays

Jeff Immelt's getting a little Peltz-ing to start the week.

By Eddie Maloney from North Las Vegas, USA (VP-BEN) [CC BY-SA 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons

Empty GE Airplane Did Not Follow Jeff Immelt Out Of Puppy-Like Dedication And Autonomously-Developed AI

We’re disappointed, too. But not as disappointed as Immelt or the people who simply signed off on the ridiculous system.

Undergraduate Business Major Has "A Very Simple Ultimatum, Actually" For Fellow Students

Have you ever been in a position where you needed to compel a group of your peers to do something they clearly have no interest in participating in? Where every time you sat down to craft an email, it became a back and forth between "playing it cool" and the desperation that all people reach when charged with the task of rallying people to attend, for instance, an event like the business versus engineering student Olympics? Where the internal monologue (and words that you end up typing on the page) are something like "You better fucking come to this thing...or don't I couldn't care less...no wait I was kidding...COME, YOU FUCKING FUCKS!...I mean, whatever...do what you want...I hate you...I hate you all so much that it's really no sweat off my sack whether you come or not, asshole shits. WHO CARES? ...but I'd just like to note that if you're not there so help me GOD you'll be sorry, not that it matters to me...". Where by the end of any such gig you've basically lost the patina of cool no matter what, so there's no real use in trying? Then you can related to one undergraduate business major who was pushed to that "end my rope" mode earlier today. From: [redacted] Date: March 22, 2012 12:14:11 PM EDT Subject: A quick note about our next bar crawl and the BBA v Engineering Olympics Hello, As you probably don't know because you stick my impact messages go straight to your trash folder, we are currently engaged in a week long competition against the engineers. However, there has been a very poor turnout from the Senior Class up to this point - especially in the athletic events. I don't understand your apathy nor do I care to but I will say this: THERE WILL NOT BE ANOTHER BAR CRAWL IF WE LOSE THE OLYMPICS. Furthermore, If we were to lose this competition because people just didn't show up I would just assume that there is a serious lack of interest in our events and go ahead and shut down Senior Night as well. For those of you who don't know, Senior Night is where we completely rent out a club and allow each senior a +1. It's something like a boozy college prom. It's a very simple ultimatum actually. If you don't help me destroy the engineers, I will not help you get wasted with your fellow BBA's. It makes no difference to me because honestly i don't even remember the last bar crawl. Eat at Pizza House before 4am and raise some money for a great cause and sign up to play some flag football and ultimate frisbee. There is also an after party at the Blue Lep from 6-8pm on Friday and I promise I'll let you drink out of the trophy cup. [redacted]