Skip to main content

Totally Unfounded Rumors: Midday Ratings Summary

As you may know, there might actually be consequences to spreading totally unfounded rumors about firms that may or may not actually be experiencing some level of financial difficulty. How are you the reader expected to know which rumors are ok to spread overtly and which require the use of special clandestine services tools like a hoarse whisper outside of Dick Fuld's office?
Fortunately, DealBreaker has initiated coverage of several Collateralized Rumor Securities and Collateralized Gossip Obligations (CRS and CGO instruments respectively). Of course, since we underwrite both the underlying rumorous assets and these securities our ratings are entirely unreliable and hopelessly inflated, but that shouldn't stop you from using a lot of leverage to buy them up. After all, you can diversify across multiple tranches and multiple instruments. We should point out that if you need something closer to cash you can invest in our Auction Rate Secrets (ARS) instruments too. We maintain a good liquid market for them or their rates reset. Really, it will be fine.
Rating / Description
- Investment Grade-
AAA / Very Reliable
AA / Reliable
A / Mostly Reliable
BBB / Might Be True
BB / Sketchy
B / Countrywide Sketchy
CCC / Unlikely
CC / Really Unlikely
C / Heard it From The Iraqi Minister of Information
D / Heard it From A Lehman Conference Call
BRK AIG (Berkshire in talks to buy AIG): BBB
GS MS (Goldman in talks to buy Morgan Stanley): CC
LEH Bond Salesmen (Lehman Broker Dealer Still Operating): AAA
BCS LEH (Barclays in talks to buy some of Lehman): AA

Disclaimer: The Federal Government in NO WAY guarantees these instruments or their underlying assets. No really, not at all. Seriously.