He Was Fine Until This Afternoon, Officer

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Ok, that was just brutal. Sure the market looked like it it was just going to loiter around outside the 7-11, stinking up the air just outside the store begging investors for a few quarters, but then, out of nowhere, after hours without a complaint (except from that one asshole guy from New Jersey who is always in a bad mood) it teetered back and forth a few times, and crashed into the glass double doors, scattered glass shards everywhere before staggering into that flimsy Hostess display, knocking it into the candy aisle and starting a cascade of skittles and peanut M&M showers. For a brief second, it looked like it might regain its balance, but over-corrected, teetered the other way and, before groaning loudly, collapsed onto the cold and flu remedy shelves and into a Nyquil soaked heap just before pissing itself. Now, owing to the olfactory blend of chocolate, Nyquil, sour sweat and urine, the store is totally uninhabitable.
Who the hell is going to clean that up anyway? (Paulson, mop crew to aisle three).
After opening in the high 900s, the S&P 500 index floated around down between 2% and 3% before 1:00 pm or so, after the Beard was done taking questions and in the face of the god-awful Beige-Book numbers, when, excepting a brief blip, it just tanked into a -8% close. That takes care of the early week rally. Basically gone.
Wow. I hope you were short S&P 500 futures.
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