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I Hate You, Bruce Wasserstein!

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Apparently Lemming Lazard is canceling its holiday party this year, though the employees don't know yet. I don't think I'm alone here in saying god damn you, people. You're supposed to be doing better than everyone else (relatively speaking of course, let's not get ahead of ourselves). And what's more, now that the artists formerly known as investment banks have become hideous pedestrian bank banks, you are supposed to be picking up the slack and spending excessively no matter how "inappropriate" it might seem given the state of things. For all intents and purposes you are the new Goldman and would the old Goldman pull a stunt like this? Clearly I have to spell it out for you but the answer is no, they most certainly would not. Not only would they throw a party but they'd burn the place down and shout "we'll buy you another one" over their shoulders to the owners as they stumbled out of the place. Jesus. You know, we were considering gifting you with a prime brokerage and prop desk for the holidays but if you can't get the freaking holiday party right, how can we expect you front run clients?
Okay. Now that I've regained my composure what I'm thinking here is that there perhaps 'stein is planning on sending a follow-up letter to his Jewish employees once the news hits the tape that says "don't worry, we're just getting rid of the Christmas party. On the down low, 8-day Hannukah Bacchanal is proceeding at a pace. Keep it kosher, Bruce." We'd have no problem with this.