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Some Of You Should Be Totally Ashamed!

Muffie Benson-Perella (muffie AT was an Associate in the Investment Banking Division of a "Bulge Bracket" bank. She holds a B.A. in French and Art from Vassar College and an M.B.A. from Harvard Business School. She concentrated in Contemporary French Poetry at prep school where she was awarded the exclusive premiership of the school's "French Club." Today, Ms. Benson-Perella is the Founder and Managing Director of "Muffie on Markets" (, a deep dive into capital markets, finance and investment strategy. She is also the Founder and Managing Director of Muff Cap, LLC., an invitation only, private investment vehicle for non-existent, prestigious and accredited investors only, employing an actively managed, long-short strategy.
All month people were crying and whining about how awfully-ouchie-devastating the market was. And then, last week, it was positively depressing the lack of enthusiasm and spirit some market players, who really should have known better, showed. Shame on you. Frankly, I am tempted to wonder after the patriotism of anyone who was doom-and-glooming last week.
People forget awfully quickly that a few hundred points on the Dow is something like several trillion dollars. So, really, owning stock in Dow is really a big responsibility. It's not for everyone. Just for the record, Dow was up 6.93% today, closing at $26.09.
The broader market showed amazing spunk! The S&P 500 was up 104.13 (11.58%) to 1003.35.
Also, people have totally ignored that prices for the average consumer have been dropping for weeks. Platts puts the weekly price of Jet A at $2.73 cents. That's like a 15.0% drop in the last month! The operations of senior managers and the few prestigious investment banks still left standing because of their exceptional investment acumen are going to be much cheaper as a result of lowered fuel costs. Not to mention the impact this has on the recreational sector, just in time for the winter holiday travel season.
The rest of the Muff Round-Up after the jump.

Consumer goods and staples companies enjoyed gains across the board. Tiffany & Co. posted a 3.79 point gain (13.18%) to end the session at $32.55. That stock had been enduring oppressive depression and almost offensive analyst coverage (all of which has proved totally hysterical today).
Europe enjoyed similarly broad advances in those sectors. LVMH Moet Hennessy Louis Vuitton posted a 12.91% gain on the day to finish at 58.18. That firms Finance Director, Jean-Jacques Guiony called the rally early yesterday with this statement, which should put to bed any overblown pessimism about the BRIC markets:

We didn't see any particularly worrying signals over the third quarter.... Russia is still doing extremely well....

We should probably address this rumor that the Europeans have responded to the so-called "crisis" more effectively than the Bush administration. The Wall Street Journal (which has totally gone downhill by the way) jumps on the political band wagon with this piece today:

...following similar moves by European governments that sent global stock markets soaring, according to people familiar with the matter.
The initiatives will likely supersede many of the government's previous efforts. They are being formulated jointly by the Treasury Department, Federal Reserve and Federal Deposit Insurance Corp., and ensure that the U.S. banking sector will be tied to the federal government for years to come.
One central plank of these new efforts is a plan for the Treasury to take approximately $250 billion in equity stakes in potentially thousands of banks, according to people familiar with the matter, using funds approved by Congress through the $700 billion bailout bill.

It is shameful to see the Europeans trying to take credit for our rally today and steal our original ideas (you think Brown didn't just steal that stuff from Bush when they met?) through their Wall Street Journal puppets. But I suppose that's big media for you. The only good thing is that their website really is a lot more pleasing to the eye now, so I still read it. You have to give points for taste in these sorts of matters.
Some commentators, even some editors here on DealBreaker, have quipped that today's rally was just a flash in the pan. I have to say, I am ashamed to be associated with that kind of negative thinking.
You heard it here first, we hit the bottom, and it wasn't that bad. Most of my friends barely noticed any impact on their day to day lives. Sure Maximilian was invited to take a break from his banking job, but that was totally because of his girlfriend's coke problem. That bitch Phoebe is sleeping with a Managing Director and she can't keep her damn mouth shut so it wasn't like it had anything to do with the so called "crisis."
Even Larry Kudrow is calling it a "tax break on the American people." Now, if we can just keep the White House Republican this year we can all sit back and relax for a while.
Anyhow, I'm long the consumer staples and Daddy (who is a fantastic investor!) is investing with Dubai's sovereign wealth fund, Istmitar, so you know the rally is here to stay!