Citi Tries To Figure Out How To Make This Thing Work

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Andrew Ross Sorkin lays out the options supposedly being considered by the firm as of last night:
1. "Replace Vikram Pandit." Not really sure how that'd do shit, or who they'd get to take over, or what kind of half-wits would hear this news and suddenly start believing in the firm if they hadn't previously, but whatevs. It'd be awesome if it were a 1-2 punch of 1, forcing VP out and 2, replacing him with Chuck Prince.
2. "Sell all or part of the company." To Circuit Cityi.
3. "A public endorsement from the government." I want to see Hank Paulson wearing Citi-branded shower shoes, driving a Citi-branded convertible, eating a Citi-branded sandwich, slathering Citi-branded hair-regrowth product on his pate.
4. "A new financial lifeline [from the government]." Will happen, right? Has to? Let's just keep our fingers crossed the braintrust that is the government doesn't try and do anything innovative (read: retarded).
5. "Full-page advertisements in major newspapers," reminding everyone, in case they didn't know, that Citi never sleeps.
6. "Reinstate the uptick rule." This would legitimately be more ridiculous than taking out an ad in a newspaper. SHORT-SELLERS ARE NOT THE ISSUE, VIKRAM.
Shares Falling, Citigroup Talks to Government [NYT]

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