Dear CR Intrinsic Investor (Pauses To Giggle And Think 'Hey, That's Me')

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So many changes afoot for Steve Cohen! As you know there have been layoffs in the big man's house, including the closing of the San Francisco office. But perhaps way more importantly is the news that Cohen is said to be considering closing CR Intrinsic, the fund which is made up of approximately 70 percent of his own money, and represents a sizable amount of his entire net worth. Things are still sort of chugging along at SAC, though they are expecting about $1 billion in redemptions. Moving forward we're thinking certain initiatives that could go far in saving Stevie from being forced to cut anymore Little Steves could include the auctioning of a few of the hot commodities above, and requiring that all employees make their own dresses instead of picking them out at Saks.

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