Don't Worry, We Have A Plan

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"Ja, men. We knew this time was coming. Fortunately, as you know, over the years we have made several allowances for just such an occurrence. The tax probe, the protests outside headquarters, I mean it's gotten so we can't even secretly help the wealthy avoid taxes in their home countries. Our 'Secret Accounts for Secret Services' program for foreign dictators and their inner circle, once our crowning achievement in wealth management, has trickled to a slow crawl. (I understand we lost the Kingdom of Tonga as a client last week). Be that as it may, I believe we may have the answer. As you know, top managers will be publicly required to forgo any bonus plan to comply with the new transparency requirements. Accordingly, effectively immediately, all top managers will be demoted and afforded pay raises."
Top UBS bankers will not get 2008 bonus [The Financial Times]

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