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So Long As There Are Financial Services Hacks Binging And Purging Vending Machine Snacks, The Market Will Be Okay

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Listen, ladies. I know you think things are prettay prettay prettay bad these days but you are dead wrong. Here's why-- right now, at a certain financial services firm in midtown one brave young solider is taking part in a vending machine challenge. One of everything, 2-6. We're told he's halfway done, having "blazed" through the Sun Chips "like a hot knife through butter" and "squashed the Lays like an ant."