Ankle Monitoring Bracelet On The House

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If anyone's been searching in vain for an Upper East Side penthouse swathed in scandal, today is your lucky day. Personally, I'd prefer to sleep where, like, a cooler criminal slept (blood stains on the wall are a must) but surely some of you are in the market for an apartment where a white collar scam was hatched. Such as: 133 East 64th Street. According to the Post, top real estate brokers have been asked by Irving Picard, the trustee appointed to oversee the liquidation of Madoff Securities, to stop by Bernie Madoff's place and assess its value, with sale proceeds, thought to be up to $10 million, going toward creditors. Is it awk that Bernie-boy, who we all know is trapped inside just like a prisoner, will be there while his pad (which includes four bedrooms, five bathrooms, and a library filled with cooked books) is sized up? Sure, but awkward in a good way, especially if Mads starts getting defensive about stuff like crown molding or, like a kid who doesn't want his parents' home to get sold, decides to scare people off, by throwing caution to the wind, and JO&C'ing in the family room.

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