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Attention Wachovia Employees

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This was sent out to a bunch of Wacheople earlier, but we were told Wells Fargo has suspended emailing privileges for many of you until they're earned back, so just in case-- do not forget to sign up! The rest of you should feel free to put together your own similar challenges, since the vending machines have obviously proved too difficult. To the Wells people reading this, and perhaps suffering an extreme case of second-hand embarrassment-- you picked these guys. Apparently when we begged and pleaded with you to man up, you heard "put these on."

From: [redacted at wachovia]
Sent: Wednesday, January 07, 2009 11:33 AM
To: [redacted at wachovia]
Subject: One Team -- One Dream

Situation --- Merger complete; we're neck deep with fierce client contact and pitching; stress is high; it's bonus season - and we all know it will be rough - but there are other reasons to smile (we've got family and friends; we are still employed; and we are hopefully moving to a fantastic platform to work with in the future) - not to mention the College Football championship tomorrow night and the Panthers (and other not-worthy-enough-to-be-mentioned pro football teams) game this weekend. So that leaves a void of sports activity this Friday (Jan 9th)................
Solution - We put our heads together (and someone had just watched the Food Network) -- to fill this void and to provide some light-hearted fun -- we will host the first "Eat 6 saltines in a minute" contest here on the 4th floor (for 4th floor residents --- otherwise we'd have to bring a crate of crackers.........) this Friday AM.
Commitment -- Inherent in the title - this will not take long. For anyone closing a deal, as you can see from the time limit, this activity will only require 3 minutes of your time (one minute to get to the table, one minute to eat, and one minute to recover) and it can be the appetizer to lunch........
Incentive -- He or She can be titled the "Crumbly Cracker" -- in addition to bragging rights, professional admiration, and plenty of laughter/camaraderie that will be prevalent; it will break the stress for at least a moment; and as a stretch it can be considered a team-building exercise.
Starting time -- 11:00 AM (if anyone has a clock/watch with a second hand that would be great to have).
Rules -- This is our first rodeo with this so we believe the rules should be as follows (but welcome any experts who have been in cracker-combat to chime in):
1. 6 regular saltines (leave your New Years diet at the door)
2. One minute
3. Can't put anything on the crackers
4. Can't drink anything during the chomp
5. Mouth must be empty prior to chomping
6. Mouth must be empty after chomping
7. Panel of peers will inspect mouth (at arms length of course) if anyone 'claims' to finish......
8. Disputes will be handled in friendly manner amongst participants/viewers (we're all professional so let's keep it clean)
9. If more than one participant finishes, the fastest time wins (again see point 8)
10. Depending on how much cracker mess you spray across the conference table when (not if) you laugh during the chomp, you will probably be DQ'd.
11. Have fun
12. Lastly --- if nobody actually completes the task, we can at least crown the fastest finisher "Cracker-pro tem"
Deadline -- for notice of participation is Noon tomorrow (2:30 PM Thursday) so we can make sure we have enough crackers..........just reply via email.