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Bernie Madoff Lookin' Out For Your Well-Being


As mentioned a while back, a whole bunch of previously mostly worthless Madoff-branded chotchkes are in the process of making bank on e-Bay, cause of the whole scandal sitch. There's lots of great stuff to choose from, including a sweet fleece vest, for the person in your life who loves being cloaked in irony, a "rare" orange golf hat, beach towels, old Christmas cards and a badass humidor. Today our attention was directed toward an item that actually serves a bit a purpose, sort of, if you don't know how navigate the New York subways or find yourself in the dark.

That's right, I'm talkin' about the MADF Emergency Response Kit. Inside you'll find bus and subway maps, air filter masks, a whistle, various first aid items, wipes, an emergency blanket, a glow stick, a water pack and "some other small items" most likely including "ass tourniquet" (I kid-- that's in the Investor Emergency Response Kit). Also! On the back, a number to call in case you're in trouble (718-533-2350). We tried it just now, and apparently Mades and Co. still kinda have your back.
According to the lady on the tape, "In the event of a disaster that precludes Madoff employees from working outside of the New York City main office at 885 Third Avenue, please report to the disaster recovery office in the corporate center at 75-20 Astoria Boulevard." I don't know if this counts as a "disaster," per se, but give it a shot?