"Dear Shareholder, we are truly sorry that we have all been victimized."

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Of course, we loved "Dear Shareholder" letters before Bernie Made-off was a twinkle in our pseudo-journalistic eyes, but he has certainly raised the bar. Consider the latest offerings from Gabriel Capital Group, overseeing the Merkin-managed Ariel Fund:

In light of the fraud's devastating impact on our portfolio and, in particular, on our liquidity, we believe our only realistic option is to wind down Ariel Fund Limited and engage in an orderly disposition of its portfolio positions. The process will likely take several years to complete since many of the remaining assets are illiquid investments. We will distribute proceeds as the assets are realized, and in order to treat all shareholders fairly and equally, the Board of Directors has determined to suspend the determination of the net asset value of the shares and all redemption rights (including pending redemption requests).

Ariel Fund liquidation letter 12 19 08.pdf
Ariel Revised Financial Statements Dec 31 2007.pdf

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Barclays Is 'Truly Sorry' It Got Caught Manipulating Libor Though Not Sorry Enough To Make Amends In Person

An ad in the paper will have to suffice. Barclays has made a public apology to customers and clients, saying they have “been let down” by the bank. “We are truly sorry for what has happened,” Barclays said in a advertisement published in several British newspaper today, including the Financial Times, the London-based Times and the Guardian. “You are the lifeblood of our business, and we will not allow ourselves to be distracted from what really matters -- delivering for you, day in and day out,” the statement, signed by Chairman Marcus Agius, says. “I also thank you for your business. It is our responsibility to earn the right to retain it.” Barclays Says ‘Truly Sorry’ For Letting Down Customers, Clients [Bloomberg] Barclays Makes Public Apology [HIC]