Practice In Front Of The Mirror


"Ok, let's see. Emergency. Emergency. Something that would make me just keep flying like... like on... autopilot. Yes. Autopilot. Why would I put the autopilot on. Hmmm. Weather? Mile high club? Heh heh heh. Hmmm. Damaged aircraft? Damaged aircraft that I can't see out of. Damaged... window? Damaged windscreen. Jacksonville Center, November 428 Delta Charlie, my face has exploded and my windscreen is bleeding massively. No... no, that's not it. Jacksonville Center, my windscreen has exploded and I'm bleeding horribly. No... sounds to... ghoulish. I need it to be professional. I'm being recorded. This will be in the history books, my last words. It has to sound... like I'm still in command going down fighting. A hero to the last. My windscreen is broken and I... no. Windscreens don't explode, or just break they... implode. Imploded. My windscreen has imploded. Jacksonville Center, November 428 Delta Charlie, my windscreen has imploded and... hmmmm. And... and I'm bleeding... how am I bleeding? Glass... everywhere. Cut... jugular. What's the word? Prolifically? Protagonist? Pro... fusely. Profusely. Jacksonville Center, November 428 Delta Charlie, my windscreen has imploded and I'm bleeding profusely. Yes... yes... that's it."
"What in the world are you doing in there?"
"You know, I can't find the map book anywhere and your wife's attorney was calling earlier and... hey, what happened?"
"Nothing. I just cut myself shaving, that's all."

...when rescuers reached his crashed aircraft, they found "evidence including a book of campsites in America missing its pages on Alabama and Florida, and a bullet-point list scribbled on the back of a book that read: 'cracked windshield, window imploded, bleeding profusely'."

Fake plane death businessman left SOS bullet-point list [The Register]