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The Final Countdown

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Judge Ronald L. Ellis was supposed to announce whether or not he was going to force Bernie Madoff to leave the comforts of house arrest at 133 East 64th Street on Friday but apparently he really needed the weekend to think it over (and also wanted to give you all the opportunity to hilariously quip "last weekend at Bernie's," and variants thereof). Now, supposedly, he'll issue a written statement around noon with the decision. As previously mentioned, prosecutors are arguing that Bernie-boy's flagrant "disregard for the law" was demonstrated by his decision to send out over a million dollars worth of jewelry, which may or may not have been innocent Hannukah gifts. In order to keep him from bunking with Bubba, the defense has said it would agree to stricter terms of the house arrest, including allowing mail to be sorted through, and a bi-weekly check of assets in the apartment, which of course prompts us to ask two questions:
1. How the Christ are those not already included in the terms and
2. For those of you on Team Bernie, let's start strategizing. Where exactly is he going to hide the diamonds? I feel like the anal cavity is too easy, but I'm not sure where else they could go.


Lloyd Blankfein Finally Gets To Be The Prettiest Girl At The Ball

Time was, Jamie Dimon was the most popular CEO on Wall Street and America's "Least Hated Banker," for reasons that included the fact that the man has soulful blue eyes, charisma out the ass, and was in charge of one of the banks that a) didn't go out of business during the financial crisis, like Lehman and Bear and b) supposedly didn't actually need the bailout money the government made it take (as JD has said previously), like Bank of America and Citigroup. The man, in the hearts of many and especially the adoring press, could do no wrong. Which is why it probably stung a lot that Lloyd Blankfein, a Wall Street CEO who also possesses more charm than a person would know what do do with, who was also in charge of a bank that neither went out of business during the financial crisis nor required the bailout money it was forced to take (according to GS), and who is also the owner of a pair of baby blues, though in his case ones that sparkle, could only do wrong. And while LB is not one to gloat at another's misfortune, especially that of a friend, he's obviously feeling pretty good about being living proof of the old saying, "only one Wall Street CEO's balls can be in a vise at a time," and right now it's JD's turn. Dimon did not attend the annual Robin Hood Foundation party [last night], but Blankfein was there, enjoying a rare night out of the spotlight. He shook hands, introduced his wife and, grinning broadly, posed for pictures. For months, Goldman Sachs has been portrayed as the callous Wall Street behemoth whose executives collected giant bonuses while America's housing crisis worsened and unemployment rose. But Monday night was different. "No one cares about Lloyd tonight. It is Jamie against the world, and that's got to feel good for Lloyd," another hedge fund manager said. And this is just the beginning. First, they stop calling you Satan and claiming you poisoned their food, next glowing profiles and cover stories devoting major column inches to your rippling biceps and the throngs of women you beat off with a stick. Dimon Pushes Blankfein Off Hot Seat At Charity Gala [Reuters] Robin Hood Scene: Blankfein, Soros, Rihanna [Bloomberg/Photo]