The Final Countdown


Judge Ronald L. Ellis was supposed to announce whether or not he was going to force Bernie Madoff to leave the comforts of house arrest at 133 East 64th Street on Friday but apparently he really needed the weekend to think it over (and also wanted to give you all the opportunity to hilariously quip "last weekend at Bernie's," and variants thereof). Now, supposedly, he'll issue a written statement around noon with the decision. As previously mentioned, prosecutors are arguing that Bernie-boy's flagrant "disregard for the law" was demonstrated by his decision to send out over a million dollars worth of jewelry, which may or may not have been innocent Hannukah gifts. In order to keep him from bunking with Bubba, the defense has said it would agree to stricter terms of the house arrest, including allowing mail to be sorted through, and a bi-weekly check of assets in the apartment, which of course prompts us to ask two questions:
1. How the Christ are those not already included in the terms and
2. For those of you on Team Bernie, let's start strategizing. Where exactly is he going to hide the diamonds? I feel like the anal cavity is too easy, but I'm not sure where else they could go.