Skip to main content

And Now, The CSPAN Special Movie Event: The Safecracker

Scene: The Cash Room, United States Treasury
Banked by the latest results of the stimulus plan, ten Chinese made American flags purchased from the Troubled Flag Producer Relief Program, a single podium under gold gilded ceilings. A tense crowd, filled with runners holding seats for the notables not yet arrived, passes the moments in the dark rumble of idle conversation....
...assuming the podium, which is labeled "Financial Stability and Recovery," Chris Dodd, sporting slicked back hair that might well be that of Gordon Gekko, but for its yellowed white color. Introductions are made. Panic is expressed. Urgency is urged.
Dodd, swimming in a morass of confusion, repeats the words "fresh ideas" over and over.
Geithner, pivoting back and forth like a tennis ball machine, serves up almost Randian morsels on "the doers," "the innovators," to the audience- who offered not a single clap following his introduction.
He is unsure how his public have received his deft replacement of the word "stop" with "arrest," a last minute change adopted after consulting the Microsoft Thesaurus early-morning.
Even Dodd cocks his head, off camera, trying to remember where he heard that it was a bad thing, not a good thing, to start a "two front" war, as Geithner now advocates. Was it Kissinger? Lee Marvin? The Princess Bride? The moment is lost.
The Safecracker looks haggard. His youth sucked out, leaving his skin gray underneath the caked on camera makeup that covers his face and shining forehead. Signs of a late night spent practicing in front of the mirror.
As his message rounds the course of re-leveraging the economy, restarting securitization and once again getting consumers doing what they are supposed to, amassing more debt, the word "private" is sprinkled, strategically, wherever the word "public" appears- just in case.
The Safecracker builds to the crescendo, where he announces a complete revamp of the entire financial regulatory system is in the works. One that will never, never ever, permit us to face such a crisis again. The sing-song, harmonic cycle of his intonation never faltering, keeping pace like a Cesium clock. Rising and falling in a low throbbing pulse.
It occurs to him that by admitting that things might get worse before they get better, he has given lie to the "never again" remark. He hopes, as the sweat builds, it will pass.
But his momentum is robbed. The hidden earpiece crackles, the market is down three and a half percent. The NASDAQ index of bailout recipients is down over nine percent. Nine point five. Nine point seven....
He closes quickly. Turns, not even acknowledging the tepid applause, trots down the stairs, slips behind the flags and exits, without fanfare, head down the entire way. The air escapes the room.
Unsure if there is more to see, the audience remains motionless for a few beats. First he was there, then he was gone. Away into the depths of the Treasury, exiting through the secret passage into the Crack-Cave. He has vanished before their eyes. He is...
...The Safecracker.


Ken Lewis Is A Movie Producer Now*

If it feels like it's been forever since we've heard from Ken Lewis it's because it has. Following his retirement in 2009, the former Bank of America CEO went underground to do some soul-searching. To figure out what made Kenneth D. Lewis tick. Did he want to want to be a CEO of another company? Did he want to get involved in another industry entirely? Did he want to grow a beard again? Did he want to be a shepherd? These are the questions that needed answers and today, finally, we've got some. No word on the beard but it appears that for now, Lewis is staying away from Wall Street and pursuing another passion: the movie business.