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Barney-Boy: "Why do you need to be BRIBED* to have your interests align with the public?"

Previously: Let's do this.
Vikram Pandit: [mumbling] Because you touch yourself.
Frank: What?
VP: Nothing.

John Mack
: Great question, your honor...I'd do this job even if you paid me nothing.
*Context: Mr. Frank is referring to bonuses. He also would like to know if the CEOs take longer lunches and/or leave work early when they don't receive said bribes.
Rep. Kanjorski: When did you first realize the economy was in trubs?
Ken Lewis: To Sec. Paulson's credit, he called me in August 2007 and said, "Ken, we've got some real challenges in the economy."
Rep. Kanjorski: Okay, no. At that point every halfwit and their mother knew things were bad. You didn't realize it before then?
Lewis realizes he doesn't have a good answer, trails off inaudibly, curses John Thain.
Moving on:
Blankfein: "I don't want to write my assets down to what they are really worth."
Pandit: "I could sell a hundred dollar bill for $1."
Maxine Waters has been through big fights, huge. Also, the drugs they loaded her up on earlier this morning are wearing off. She asks the "Captains" of the Universe, "Did you increase you credit card interest rates?"
Ken Lewis tries a joke: "I feel like a corporal of the universe, not a captain."
MW: No, shut up, just answer the question.
KL: Yes.
MW: Anyone else? Don't speak, just raise your hand.
Waters: [Shouts in a way that makes even Maxine Waters scared of Maxine Waters, about something, which is unclear, proceeds to demand an answer.]
Ken Lewis: "I don't understand what you're talking about."
Waters: "Do any of you understand what I'm talking about???"
[Pandit stifles laughter.]

Rep. Maloney would like to thank Bank of America for building a HQ during New York's darkest hour.
Maloney gives Cuomo's pet project a shout out. Please let Lewis blame Thain, Please let Lewis blame Thain.
Lewis: We urged the Merrill Lynch executives we were involved with to reduce the bonuses at the top. But they were their own woman, so we couldn't tell them what to do just, urge, strongly urge. Women, you know? Can't live with 'em, can't live...
John Mack says we need a coordinated Super Regulator.
Jamie Dimon isn't placing blame on the regulators, but he's also not not placing blame on the regulators. He would also like One Big Reg.
Rep Luis Gutierrez: How should we price the assets going forward? Throw them down the stairs and assign value in ascending order based on how far they land? I'm open to ideas.
Pandit: Our first line of defense is to do everything we can to improve liquidity, credit, all that financial mumbo-jumbo. Re: valuing, eh, that's a tough question.
Luis "Maxine Walters" Gutierrez wants "all 8 of you to put in writing" how much the panel's institutions have paid themselves for underwriting their issues of government backed debt.
Rep. Nydia Velazquez to Blankfein: "Are you implying that Citigroup lost its mind?"
Blankfein: "If they did it's not because of this [mortgage] issue"
[Laughter from everyone but Pandit]
Velazquez would like to know why they the money to lend to large acquisitions but not to lend to her constituents.
[blank stares]
"Of course, you are not going to provide that answer."
Congresswoman in Pink SWOOOONS over Jamie Dimon's answer to question about some guy who never missed a payment and had his interest rate spiked to 22%.
Congresswoman in P: "Are any of you too big to fail? Mr. Pandit, why don't you take this one."
John Mack reppin' for the peons! He's concerned about deflections from employees below the senior level on account of shit pay.
Here we have a dilema. Frank and Friends said they wanted this hearing to restore confidence. But Rep. Gary Ackerman is very disappointed that the Great 8 before him are telling him everything is just fine, when people in his district tell him that's not the case. Ackerman seems like a nice guy, so, in order to placate him, should Vikram Pandit strip naked and start shouting "this bitch is going down"?
Ackerman: Let's go down the line and say how much new money-- of their own-- they've put into their firms.
Blankfein: All of it, because I'm paid in stock.
Ackerman: No, give me a number.
Blankfein: None.
Dimon: I bought $12 million.
Lewis: 400k shares, I don't know how much that is.
Mack: Nothing
Pandit: $8.4 million.
And we're adjourned 'til 1:15PM. Question for the group: What do you suppose Maxine Waters will be dining on for lunch?