I don't know about you, but I fucking hate the god damn press. All they ever do is ruin my good time. I'm just trying to kick back, forget my trubs, maybe nail a hooker or two during a coke fueled bender of a weekend at the Bellagio with my colleagues before finishing up on some really critical pitchbooks with my red pen and bitching out an associate on the airphone, knowwhatimsayin? And who cares if my company is on the brink of insolvency?* WHO CARES?

From: [redacted @ BAC]
Sent: Wednesday, February 04, 2009 5:05 PM
Subject: Event Guidelines
Importance: High
Given the ongoing negative press, the Marketing transition team has issued the following guidelines regarding event and conference activity:
Guidelines
1. No resorts

2. No 5-star hotels
3. No entertainment, recreation or fancy meals (no company sponsored golf/spa outings, no bands, DJ's or other hired evening entertainment, no cocktail receptions)
4. If no business content or thought leadership, cancel
5. Anything considered pure hospitality, cancel
6. Must be serious business content; should be business revenue generating opportunities
We need to review all planned events with these guidelines in mind. Feel free to share this information with your business partners.
[Redacted]

*Get of over yourselves, I'm just keeping it interesting in here.