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No Rest For The Wicked

That's you, not the CEOs, by the way.
Since CSPAN has gotten back on the ball, and therefore we don't have to watch CNBC to follow it, we continue our snide coverage:
Ok guys, who believes nicotine is not addictiveyou will pay back the TARP money and need no more funds?
[Everyone]: Yes, but we have no clue what the Geithner plan is so...
Rep. Ellison: Hey, Bank of America- The Huffington Post claims that your employee at the Financial Services Roundtable was advocating opposition to the Employee Free Choice Act? Is that true?
Lewis: I don't go the roundtable.
Rep. Ellison: You don't think you should be opposing union organization with TARP funds do you?
KL: Huh?
Rep. Ellison: So, are you guys solvent?
VP: Oh yes.
Rep. Ellison: What about you Bank of America?
KL: Since we made money last year, I am simply amazed you would even ask that.
Rep. Ellison: So, are you going to collapse?
K "De Niro" L: Are you talking to me?
Rep. Ellison: Yeah, you.
KL: Absolutely not. I don't even know what the hell you are talking about or why you'd ask me that question. And why don't you just go out back and pound salt you bank run creating public menace. (Ok, maybe we made that last part up).
Rep. Wilson: Why don't banks want TARP funds, Mr. Lewis?
KL: Simple, we don't want your dirty paws on your business. Duh.
Rep. Perlmutter: You guys are just big bloated bombs waiting to go off and blow up the system, right?
JM: No. G'z. We sold the credit card morass, what more do you want?
JD: No.
Rep. Biggert: If you guys are so healthy, why are were here? How can you help restore consumer and investor confidence?
JD: Doing the best we can, lady.
JS: How about you guys whack Mark-to-Market so we can report our assets at the marks we prefer?
Rep. Biggert: Who wants to nuke Mark-to-Market?
[Only JS raises his hand]
JS: Ok, let me clarify. I only really want to do away with Mark-to-Market when it results in marks that I don't likewhen the market is irrational.
Rep. Donnelly: Will it play in Peoria?
[Deer. Headlights.]
Rep. Foster: Given 11% unemployment a 25% decline in residential real estate and similar problems in commercial real estate who of you is going to survive? Don't point or anything.
Rep. Foster: Have you ever seen a compensation restriction you couldn't circumvent?
[Deer. Headlights.]
Chairman Franks: I really don't want to see the eight of you singing "I Will Survive."
Rep. Speier: What was your exposure to AIG? And were you present at the Fed meetings during the AIG collapse discussions?
LB: We had very little actual exposure to AIG because (we were hedged/we offset our risk).
Rep. Himes: When are you going to start eating your own cooking? Who here is going to set up strong long-term compensation structures?
Rep. Himes: Let me start with Mr. Pond-it. Why aren't you taking top-loss tranches on these complex issues?
VP: That's not very traditional.